I'm Not What You Think I Am
by Blondie785
Summary: For those of you that have read my other stories, this is another John Cena/ Reilly story but with a twist. Same people, different personalities. I wanted to explore what their relationship would have been like with different circumstances and histories. So please, read, review, and enjoy. And as always, I own nothing but Reilly.
1. Reilly Michelle

My name's Reilly Michelle and every one tells me I've got alot to look forward too. I'm not sure what it is they're seeing but I don't see it. I was always overweight as a kid and I suffered for it, especially through high school. I gravitated toward relationships that were obviously unhealthy and yet, couldn't force myself to walk away. So once I got out of school, I decided I was tired of letting people walk all over me and changed who I was. I lost 100 lbs, started working out and taking better general care of myself. I also have an aversion to most men which most likely is because of the last relationship I had gotten out of that was particularly unhealthy...I just don't trust them. I don't trust many people these days. I've learned that if you want anything done, doing it yourself is the only way to guarantee it actually gets accomplished. Some people say I'm cynical, I say I'm just realistic. I don't like having to rely on people for anything and I usually don't.

Anyway, getting past the negativity (big step for me), I do have one thing in my life that makes me happy and that's my job. I am currently employed as an entertainer for the WWE on their RAW brand. My actual title is WWE Diva but I hate labels...so I'm an entertainer. I have one close friend in the company, her stage names Kelly and she's a person who I would have never imagined being friends with but for some reason, she just gets me. She doesn't care if I'm cynical or like all the other divas. She was the only one to go out of her way to try and make me feel at home when I started with this company and for some strange reason, that just stuck with me.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I've realized that, even being withdrawn for years, I enjoy entertaining people. But I guess for every bright side, there has to be a dark side and unfortunately, due to the nature of the company...it's many of the men that I work with. Most of them think they're god's gift to women and that everyone, including the divas, should fall all over them anytime they enter a room. Obviously, that's not me...like I said, aversion to men. And in any group, there's always one that stands out more than any other and the WWE is no exception...he's a playboy...feels as if every woman should be head over heels in love with him...His name's John Cena...and I can't stand him...


	2. John Cena

Hey, my name's John and I am a part of the world-wide WWE brand. They call me a superstar, I say I'm just doing my job. I'm not perfect, I'll be the first to tell you that. I've had to work for everything I have in life and it wasn't easy but I'm not complaining. Some people say I'm the nicest person they've ever met, some can't stand me. I say, to each his own...everyone has the right to their own opinion. I love my job, I love what I do and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Like I said, I'm not perfect, though I don't know anyone that is. I've had my issues...some people have called me a playboy, or a womanizer and to be fair, in my earlier years, I probably was. I was more obsessed with the fame than with the actual job...and I took advantage of it. But as the saying goes, with age comes maturity and I realized just how ridiculous I was being. I settled down, got married, got divorced and am now looking forward to what lies ahead of me in my career. I know there are probably many women I have wronged in my life and I wish I could apologize to each of them individually but I can't.

One woman, one whom I've known for three years now, seems to think I'm still a womanizer, though I can't think of a reason I've given her to form an opinion like that. I swear she hates me and I don't get it...I don't hate her...I don't even dislike her...she's a great woman and part of me wishes she would let me in. I've always felt like she's hiding something, always felt as if there was something deep down, something she wanted to keep from the world. There's a part of me that feels that if she would just let me in, we could possibly become very close but, I think that's what she scared of and I don't understand name's Reilly and our "relationship" if that's what you want to call it has been a rocky one, sometimes even non-existent...but I won't ever forget the day she walked into this company, and into my life...


	3. First Impressions

**Three Years Earlier...**

_-John-_

It was just like any other normal Monday morning for me, an early arrival at the arena to get a workout in before RAW that night. I walked down the still quiet halls, savoring the calm before what was always a crazy storm to come later that night. Reaching my dressing room, I tossed my bag on one of the chairs and then plopped myself on the couch, stretching my arms above my head and taking in my surroundings. It was still surreal to me where I found myself at this point in my life. I mean I had everything I could ever want. I had an amazing job that I loved, fans that fell all over me whenever I entered a room, more money than I knew what to do with, and a girlfriend who was just waiting for me when I went home. People called me cocky, I just say I'm sure of who I am and what I want. Speaking of what I want, I sat up, remembering I needed to talk to Vince about getting some time off so my girlfriend would stop jumping down my throat about never being home. Grabbing my phone from the sofa table, I crossed the room and opened the door, not paying attention as I stepped out and right into a moving object in the hallway.

"Oh you have GOT to be kidding me!" I heard as my head snapped up and that's when I saw what I had run into. It wasn't an object, but a person, a woman, who was attempting to gather her things that I had just strewn across the floor.

I attempted to force down a chuckle as I held out my hand to help her up. "Hey, I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"Ya think?" The blonde woman questioned. She finally looked up at me and I was immediately overwhelmed by the intense sapphire blue that pooled in her eyes...the eyes that seemed as if they could burn a hole right through me at the moment. Rolling her eyes, she brushed my outstretched hand aside and pushed herself quickly off the floor. Dusting herself off, she stared at me again, and I took a moment to really look at her. I didn't recognize her, realizing she must be one of the new divas Vince had been talking about for weeks. Her blonde hair curled all the way down to the small of her back and she was dressed simply, jeans and a black tank clinging to her outstanding curves. She was definitely hot but not in a typical diva sort of way. There was something real, something completely uninhibited about her beauty and I had to shake my head to push back the indecent thoughts bubbling through my male mind. I tried extending my hand again as I introduced myself, " I'm John, John Cena. And you are?"

She glanced at my outstretched hand and ignored it, rolling her eyes yet again as she admonished me with her stare. "I know who you are, and I'm late. Now if you'll excuse me, _John,_(she put annoying emphasis on my name), I need to go find Mr. McMahon." She turned on her heel and stalked off down the hallway. Leaning against the wall, I watched her walk away, her hips swaying softly from side to side as she went, her movements quick and sure as she moved down the hallway. Shaking my head, I sighed...'just another pms'ing diva. Just what we need around here.' I thought to myself as I turned and walked the opposite direction down the hallway. She had headed the wrong way if she was looking for Vince but if she didn't want help, who was I to give her anything she didn't want. Just what this company needs...another bitchy blonde...

_-Reilly-_

'Of all the people I had to run into, it would have to be the company's biggest playboy,' I thought to myself as I stalked down the hallway, still attempting to find the boss' office. The way he stood there smirking at me, eyeing me, made me nauseous. I knew coming into this company that it was going to be full of pigs and my encounter with Mr. Cena just proved that he was the biggest pig of all...Somebody remind me why I wanted this job again?


	4. What's in a Name?

**Two Weeks Later...**

_-Reilly-_

'Two weeks I've been here and already I'm exhausted,' I thought to myself as I dropped my bags in the third different hotel we'd seen in a week.

Crossing the room, I pulled open the doors leading to the balcony and let the warm Florida air wash over me as it drifted in. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself for the first time in what felt like forever. It had been a long few weeks but I could feel myself finally starting to fall into a rhythm as far as the grind of the road was concerned and it was beginning to become second nature to me. Glancing down at the mostly empty beach I decided a short run was in order before heading to the arena and ducked back into the room to change.

Ten minutes later and Ipod in hand, I pulled open the door to my bedroom to make my way into the hallway only to have the door across the hall open at the same time. It caught me off guard and I instinctively looked up from my Ipod and found myself staring into the blue eyes of none other than Mr. Playboy himself. Groaning inwardly, I tried to feign a smile but inside I was nauseous. I couldn't believe I was stuck directly across the hall from him.

"Morning." John stated simply as he closed his door and turned to me, hands resting on his hips.

"Yes it is, very observant of you." I chided, pretending to be interested in double checking that my door had locked.

I heard a soft sigh as I turned back to face him, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "Is there something I can help you with?"

"No I was just saying hey..." John almost stuttered, he was at a loss for words at the fact he had finally met a woman who wasn't buckling at the knees under his playboy charms.

"Well then...hey." I quipped, probably a little to harshly and started making my way down the hallway.

"Am I ever going to catch your name?" John called after me, and I stopped for a split second. Why was he so concerned about my name?

Sighing, I spun around quickly and held my hands up as if to say 'what do you want from me?' He just stood there in the middle of the hallway, regarding me almost warily as I silently wondered what he was up to. "Look John, it's not like I'm anyone important...I'm no huge star like you so my name doesn't really matter now does it?" I questioned. He looked at me, bewildered by my biting words and I just shook my head and turned back down the hallway. Typical male, a woman throws something back in his face and he's speechless...Deep inside though, I wondered if maybe, just maybe, I had been a little TOO harsh...Nah. Shaking my head I started a quick jog down the stairs to the first floor. He was a playboy and had been with a ton of women, I'm sure he knew how to handle himself just fine...and besides, he'd forget about me by the end of the day anyway.

_-John-_

I sighed as I watched her walk away for the second time in as many weeks. I was too exhausted and mentally drained to even try and argue with her. I'd gotten no sleep the night before, my girlfriend was pissed at me once again for not being home enough and yet, I still couldn't convince myself to skip the gym for one measly day.

It had been pure coincidence that I had exited into the hallway at the same moment as the mystery woman, and even more coincidence that our rooms were directly across the hall from each other. The killer part was that the company was going to be based out of this hotel for about a week so there was a high probability that she and I would run into each other again at some point in time. All I could do was hope that by the time we did, whatever was eating at her would be gone.

I didn't get it. Sure, if I had paid attention to the rest of RAW last Monday I probably would have caught her name but I was busy with a Make-A-Wish kid and that took precedence over everything else. I'm not sure why the need to know her name was so intriguing to me, I couldn't explain it if I tried. I never had cared about a woman's name before, other things sure, but never a name. So what was it about this crazy woman that had me out of sorts just because I didn't know who the hell she was.

I shook my head again as she disappeared around the corner, turned and started down the opposite direction, intent on making this workout as mind numbing as possible. I swear, sometimes women aren't worth the trouble they cause...

**Later That Night...**

_-Reilly-_

"I know that Reilly but what is your issue with him? I mean, you just met him two weeks ago and he doesn't even know your name, though that's not from lack of trying apparently." Kelly questioned as we sat at the hotel bar after our house show that night.

I shook my head, staring down at my drink. "He's a playboy Kelly, everyone has told me the same thing. I don't need to KNOW him to know that. I just choose to distance myself from men who think their gods gift to women...or most men in general for that matter." I took a long sip of my drink, pushing the real reasoning behind my distance from the opposite sex as far down inside as it would go.

"Ok, I get it, I do. I'll let it go if that's how you feel. All I'm saying though is that yeah, I've heard the stories too and when John first joined this company yes he took advantage of all the perks and privileges that come with the success that he found. But he's different now Reilly. He's actually a great guy to talk to. He's like a big brother to me and he's never tried to come onto me. He's got a girlfriend and he's really seemed to have tamed himself down as far as the playboy thing goes. I can't tell you what to do but I do know that John is one persistent man and if he's really interested in getting your name he's not going to give up without a fight." Kelly replied as she finished her drink. "I need to get some sleep, I have an early interview in the morning." She set some cash on the bar and wrapped her arms around me softly. "Just think about what I said okay, he's really not all bad."

I patted her forearm reassuringly and responded, "I'll think about it, but I'm not promising a thing Kel." She smiled softly then turned and exited the bar. I turned back to my drink, staring down into it, trying to make sense of my thoughts. What was it about him that made getting him out of my mind almost impossible? Were his "charms" really that overpowering that even I couldn't keep myself from falling for them? I shuddered at the thought and finished what was left of my beer just in time to hear a voice next to me.

"It's no fun drinking by yourself..." The voice said, and I didn't even have to turn my head to know it was John. What, was he psychic now? Did he know that my mind was driving me nuts and wanted to torture me further?

"Maybe not, but it's sure quieter." I responded, not turning to look at him. Instead, I signaled to the bartender for another round. When he brought it to me a few seconds later I reached for my wallet but was cut off as John interjected, "Just put it on my bill."

My head snapped around to stare at him, utterly shocked that he would have the nerve to buy my drink without even asking permission. "I can take care of my own drinks." I stated matter of factly, staring him down.

"Never said you couldn't." John replied, breaking my gaze and staring down at the beer that had been placed in front of him. He took a big swig before turning back to me, his eyes dark and unnerving as he regarded me silently for a minute.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you it's not polite to stare?"I wondered. It was more of a random out loud questioned than it was directed at him and I found myself uneasy as he sat quietly observing me.

"As a matter of fact she did, and I'm not staring...just trying to figure you out." John answered, his head slightly tilted as his eyes searched mine, for what I wasn't sure.

"Not much there to figure out." I mumbled, turning back to my beer. I wasn't even thirsty anymore but drank it anyway...my hand shaking just slightly as I set the glass back down on the wooden bar top. What was up with my nerves? Why was the man sitting next to me causing my mind to falter?

"I think there is...I think there's alot to you that you'd rather not have anyone know. I think that's why you put up a wall and use hostility as reinforcement." John offered, his own eyes falling away.

"You know nothing about me. What makes you think you can sit here and start making assumptions about who I am and how I think?" I spat, infuriated that he would think he knows me just because of the way I act.

"Well, a couple of things actually. First, you still haven't told me your name. Second, I've seen you around the arena. You avoid most of the men in this company like we're diseased or something. And third..."

"Ok enough! Just because you think you're mister high and mighty around here, don't come to me, expecting to "know me" just because of the way I act and the things I say. Maybe there's a good reason for the way I act and the way I am and maybe before you start assuming that you know everything, maybe you should look at yourself and realize you're not everything you seem to think you are either!" I exploded, cutting him off before he could finish his ridiculous rambling. Irritated and wanting to get away, I downed what was left of my beer, fished some cash out of my wallet and tossed it on the bar before hopping off the stool and storming away. I was so pissed that he would even think of making assumptions about the way I am based on how I act...I couldn't think straight as I made a beeline for the stairs and bound up them, taking two steps at a time.

Reaching my door, I cursed angrily under my breath as I dug through my purse for my room key only to find that it wasn't in there. _Damn it, I probably left it down at the bar!_ I thought to myself as I pounded my fist against the door before sliding down the wall and burying my head in my knees. After everything that had just happened, now I was going to have to go down there and face him again just because I was stupid enough to forget my damn key...I spent the next few minutes trying to calm my shaking nerves and pull myself together before going back downstairs. Finally, after a deep breath, I lifted my head from my knees, only to find an outstretched hand holding my room key waiting patiently for me. I followed the hand up the arm until my eyes met John's and I couldn't keep the heavy sigh from escaping my lips. Shaking my head, I pushed myself up off the floor and softly took the card from his extended hand.

I stood there for a minute, turning the card over in my hand, wondering what I should say when John spoke up. "Just so we're clear, I don't try to make it a habit of ticking off people I've just met."

I glanced up at him, his eyes burning into me with some underlying question. Raking my hand through my hair, I decided, at least for the moment, that it was better to be civil than to keep arguing with him. "Thank you...for bringing this." I held up the card, as if he didn't know what I meant. _Real smooth there genius, he knows what he brought..._

"No need to thank me, you kind of needed it." John stated matter-of-factly as he shoved his hands into his pockets. His eyes left mine and traveled down to the floor and I realized he was trying to avoid eye contact with me. _Crap, did I really piss him off that much that he doesn't even want to look at me?_

"Yeah, I guess I did." I started. My feet shuffled against the carpet as I tried to figure out what else to say. He really hadn't deserved what I had said downstairs but now I didn't know how to apologize without sounding as if I was falling all over him. That was the last thing I needed him to think, that I was just like all the other women he seemed to have following him.

As if he could read what I was thinking, John's voice interrupted my thoughts. "Well, I guess I'll leave you get in," and he started to turn toward his own door, still never making eye contact with me.

"Yeah I guess I better. It's late." I turned toward my door, stopping with my hand on the doorknob and sighed, knowing it wasn't like me to leave an argument hanging in the air. I turned back toward John, who had stopped at his door as well. "Look, John I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak out, I just...I don't handle people assuming things about me very well. But, I shouldn't have flipped out on you and I really am sorry for that." I managed to get out, tucking my hands in my pockets to hide the shaking I couldn't control.

I watched his shoulders heave in a sigh before he turned to face me. "Like I said, I don't make a habit of ticking people off. I didn't mean to overstep. I guess next time I'll make sure to ask before I go buying your drinks." A small half smile slipped across his lips and I felt my cheeks flush crimson. _No no no! I was not falling for this. Just apologize and go..._

"Next time." I repeated. I hated to admit that I didn't mind the idea of him buying me another drink. What the hell was happening to me? Why was I letting him get under my skin? John smiled again and turned back toward his door, slid the key in and then swung the door open as my head started yelling at me yet again..._Do not do this! You're only asking for trouble if you do this!..._

"It's Reilly, John." I stated...ignoring the voice in my head for the first time in forever. He spun around, wondering what he had just heard. I sighed, a small smirk escaping as I saw the look of shock cross his face. "My name's Reilly." I repeated. Instantaneously, the embarrassment took over and before John could notice the crimson flushing my face again, I slipped into my room and quickly closed the door behind me. Leaning my back against it, my head was screaming at me...I was now more confused than ever. Why had I just told him my name? Hadn't I just told him earlier this morning that my name didn't matter? Was I falling apart? Sighing, I crossed the room and fell onto the bed, burying my face in a pillow. I was tired of thinking, tired of the questions and just wanted sleep to overtake me. All I could do now was hope he wasn't in my dreams...


	5. Trouble

**The Next Night...**

_-Reilly-_

I didn't run into John at all the next day, partly because I was too busy running round with interviews, an autograph signing and a merchandising meeting. So when I finally reached my room that night, all I wanted to do was sink into a nice hot bath and let my mind unwind. The entire day, even with how busy I had been, I still couldn't seem to keep my mind from wandering to thoughts about my encounter with John the night before. What boggled my mind the most was why in the world I had given him my name. I couldn't for the life of me come up with a good explanation, even after replaying it a hundred times. Had the rumors about John actually been true? Did he really have a genuine way of getting any woman to fall for him no matter how strong they thought they were?

I shook my head at the thought as I entered my room and tossed my bag into a corner. I wasn't falling for him, no way, no how, so I would just have to chalk up what happened to a momentary lapse in my own personal judgment. Kicking off my heels, I slipped off my jewelry and set it on the dresser before grabbing some pjs and heading to the bathroom, determined to rid the thoughts of Mr. Playboy from my mind.

An hour later, I exited the bathroom with my hair piled on top of my head, cotton shorts and a white tank top clinging to my skin. Pulling out my laptop, I decided to get caught up on emails and some other work to clear my head. Fifteen minutes later, I was curled up in a chair next to the window, replying to yet another email when I was startled by the soft knock on my door. Setting the laptop aside, I pulled the clip from my hair, letting it cascade in damp waves down to the small back before crossing the room and peering through the peep hole into the hallway outside.

When I saw who was standing on the other side, the breath left my body. I leaned my head against the door for support. Did he know I had been thinking about him? I was never going to be able to get him out of my head if he kept this up.

"What do you want John?" I asked through the door, not wanting to open it and face him.

"I just wanted to ask you a question Reilly." John responded. I peered through the hole again to find him, hands stuffed in his pockets, staring down at the floor and shuffling his feet like a little kid. '_What is up with him?'_

"So, ask." I replied, tearing myself from the peephole and leaning against the wall adjacent to the door. I ran a hand through my hair, shaking my head. _'Why won't he just leave me alone?'_

"I usually like to be able to see the person I'm talking to." John's voice sounded a bit strained this time. Was he seriously copping an attitude with me?

"Look, John, it's late, I'm tired and I was just getting ready for bed. Is this really that important that it can't wait?" I lied. I was nowhere near being ready for bed but I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't ready to face him after what had happened the night before and really, what could he and I possibly have to talk about?

"No, it's not important...not a damn bit important." I heard through the door. I waited and a few seconds later, I heard a door slamming shut. Pushing myself from the wall, I peered through the peep hole, only to find the hallway empty...John had most likely given up and gone back to his room.

I pressed my head against the cool wood of the door again, knowing that pushing him away was the best thing for both of us._ 'Trust me John, you're better off this way...'_

'A_nd so am I...'_

_-John-_

Why the woman had to be so damn difficult, I couldn't figure out for the life of me. '_What the hell had I done to make her so bitchy toward me?' _

Giving up, I stalked back to my room, slamming the door behind me. I didn't care who it pissed off. All I was trying to do was offer an olive branch, offer to take her out for a drink after ticking her off the night before. Isn't that what she had wanted? Didn't she yell at me because I hadn't asked her first the night before? And now she wouldn't even open the damn door...forget it. She wants to be all prissy just like the other stuck up bimbos around here, she can be my guest. If she wanted to be left alone, then I'd make sure to leave her the hell alone.

Kicking my shoes off against the wall, I tore my shirt up off over my head and threw it on the floor before collapsing onto the bed, burying my head in a pillow. Like I said, women REALLY aren't worth the trouble they cause...


	6. Rewrites

**Two Years later...**

I hadn't heard from, or seen John for that matter since that night I had refused to open the door to him. He was probably ticked at me for the way I had acted and there was a small part of me that felt bad for it but the larger,more dominant part of me knew it was better this way for everyone involved.

So on this day, when I ran into him in the gym, awkward didn't even begin to describe our conversation ( or lack thereof). Kelly and I were working in the free weight room today and I was so engrossed in what I was doing that I didn't pay attention to the fact that someone was reaching for the same weight I was at the same time until I felt a hand come down on top of mine. My head snapped up to find John staring down at me, his lips pursed in a tight, thin line; no smile this time.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were going for that one." I stammered, pulling my hand away as if it had been burned.

"Yeah, well, I kind of need it." John stated. And without another look, he picked up the weight and walked back over to the bench nearest his stuff.

_'What the hell? That's it? I kind of need it?'_

I shook my head, muttering to myself about him being the same cocky ass I always thought he'd be when I caught Kelly staring at me, her mouth hanging open in shock.

"What the hell was that Reilly?" She questioned, loud enough for most of the gym to hear.

"What was what Kel?" I feigned dumb, pretending to go back to focusing on my workout.

"That...with John. What was with the attitudes?" Kelly sat up from the bench she was on and stared at me, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"That, Kelly, was John being John. I told you before, I didn't trust his nice guy act and now you know why. He's no different than any other male in this company, nice guy persona or not. He's full of himself and hasn't said a word to me since the night I wouldn't open my hotel room door to talk to him so now he's nursing his bruised ego by copping an attitude with me. It's been two years and he can't let it go." I relented, setting the weights down and running my hand through my hair.

Kelly sighed and shook her head before picking up her dropped weights. "One of these days Reilly, you two are going to wake up and realize that you're perfect for each other and all these attitudes are just cover ups for the feelings you're both pushing aside right now."

"Yeah, I'll make sure you're the first to know when that happens Kel." I teased and went back to my workout; determined, once again, to push John Cena from my mind.

**Later That Night...**

'_I'm coming, I'm coming...sheesh.' _I thought to myself as I ran from the shower out into the locker room, clutching my towel to my chest as I reached my ringing phone. I had literally just stepped into the shower when I heard my phone start jingling.

"Hello?" I answered, half breathless.

"Hey Reilly, it's Steph." Steph was Stephanie McMahon, my boss' daughter and one of my closest friends in the company.

"Oh hey Steph, sorry, I had just stepped into the shower. What's up?" I asked as I plopped myself down on one of the benches in the locker room.

"Dad needs to see you in his office in ten minutes, can you be there?" Her question caught me off guard. What could Vince possibly want from me?

"Uh, sure. I'll be there, no problem." I answered. I hung up the phone then rushed back to the showers, wondering just what Vince was up to.

Ten minutes later, I sat in Vince's office in a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie with my still wet hair piled on top of my head and text messaged Kelly. As soon as she had found out that Vince had wanted to see me she was all over me trying to figure out why. I hated to admit it but I was trying to do the same thing.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the office door swinging open and instinctively my head snapped up, expecting to see Vince McMahon standing in the doorway. Instead though, I couldn't keep an audible sigh from escaping my lips as my eyes locked with those of John Cena.

"Um, hey." John sputtered, plopping himself down in the chair next to mine. "Get yourself in some trouble?"

My head snapped in his direction, temper already flaring and he had just sat down. I searched his eyes for any sign that his question was serious but I couldn't find any. Instead, I found a hint of what I thought was sadness in those pool blue eyes of his and had to pull my eyes away, immediately feeling uncomfortable.

"No, I'm not in trouble." I started, staring down at the floor in front of my chair. "Steph said Vince needed to see me."

John huffed softly and I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he studied me. "That's funny, Steph called me and said the same thing."

I was just about to ask him if he knew what was going on when the office door opened again and Vince strode briskly into the room.

"John, Reilly, glad you're both here." He started, seating himself behind the big oak desk he hauled with him everywhere. "The writers came up with a new storyline idea and I wanted to be the one to explain it to both of you."

My heart sank when Vince started talking. Whatever this storyline change was, it apparently involved both John and I simultaneously and I knew deep down this could very well kill me.

"So, what's going on Vince?" John questioned. I didn't look at him. I just tried to keep my gaze focused on Vince, afraid if I looked over at John I'd find that underlying sadness I had seen moments before.

"Well, the writers feel that the two of you are two of the most charismatic, audience friendly personas we have. And they're thinking that maybe, a storyline involving the two of you together would bring in more viewers." Vince said, rearranging what were obviously new scripts on the desk in front of him. A slow smile spread across his face as he thought about his next words and then looked back up at John and I. When I saw the look in Vince's eyes, my heart sank and I knew I was in trouble.

"So,you two are going to be starting out in a new romantic storyline. We'll take it slow, build up the relationship but eventually, if it works out the way the writers and I are hoping it will, the two of you will be spending ALOT more time together." Vince's smile was a mile wide as he thought about what this could possibly mean for his money making brand and my heart hit my feet.

Vince held out our respective scripts and I silently reached for mine and absentmindedly began flipping through it. I froze though, when my gaze fell on one page about halfway through and the script fell into my lap as the realization of what I had just read hit me full force...

**'And John kisses Reilly in the ring...'**

_'Oh crap...'_


	7. Liquid Courage

_-Reilly-_

Five minutes later, I exited Vince's office, fuming at what I had just been put into. I had kept my mouth shut in front of Vince though, knowing if I had complained it most likely would have only made things worse. I crossed the hall and steadied myself by leaning with my back against the wall, unable to tear my eyes from the script I held in my hands. John and I could barely stand each other; how in the hell were we supposed to make this work?

As if he could read my thoughts, John stopped in front of me and I could feel him studying me but I still couldn't bring my eyes away from the bound pages of paper I held in my hand.

"We can make this work Reilly." His voice was like a shock to my system, bringing me out of my daze and my head snapped up at his words. _Is he actually serious? _

"We can make this work? Really John? After not saying a word to each other for two years and then the attitude I got from you earlier today, that's what you have to say to me?" I spat, throwing my arms up in frustration. My eyes burned into his, wondering what could possibly make him believe that he and I could ever make this work.

"It's just a script, Reilly. It's work, that's all it is. Not a big deal. And I'm sorry for my attitude earlier, you probably didn't deserve it, it's just that..."

"Probably didn't deserve it?" I repeated, cutting him off before he could finish his ridiculous ramblings. "No, I didn't deserve any of it. And you're right John, it's just a script. And yes, it's my job so I'll do it but that doesn't mean I have to like it and it sure as hell doesn't mean I have to be happy about it!" I was shouting now and didn't really care who heard me.

"Oh for god's sake, I wouldn't expect anything involving me to make you happy Reilly so I'm not a bit worried about that. And as far as my 'attitude'," he put the word in air quotes as he said it, "I apologize. I just found out last night I'm getting divorced and now Vince decides to shove a new script down my throat not even a day later, so forgive me if I wasn't in the great chipper mood I'm supposed to be in!" John's voice was raised now as he stared me down.

I felt my mouth drop open slightly at his admission and instantly I felt like an incredible bitch. Here I was, flipping out on him, and he had a perfectly good reason for being in a crappy mood. _'Way to go genius...now what are you going to say?'_

"John, I...I'm sorry. I didn't know.." I started, fumbling over my words like a football player who can't hold onto the ball.

"No, you know what Reilly? You're completely right. It's a job so we'll do our job but we don't have to like it and we certainly don't have to be happy about it!" John's words were hushed but I didn't miss the quiet anger behind them. He stared down at me for a second more before letting out a long sigh and turning and stalking away down the hall. I could do nothing more than stare after him, glad I was leaning against the wall or I would have crumpled to the floor. What the hell was wrong with me?

**Later That Night...**

All day long, I couldn't get the look on John's face out of my mind. I just barely managed to push through RAW that night without tearing off back to the hotel and locking myself in my room away from the world. I couldn't get over just how ridiculously insensitive I had been, whether I knew the reason for his bad mood or not. It didn't matter if I talked to John alot or not, I knew him enough to know that if he was in a bad mood, there was a usually a damn good reason for it. John wasn't one of those people that just walked around mad at the world for no reason. So once again, my big mouth and aversion to men had gotten me knee deep in trouble. How was I supposed to pull off this script and work with John if neither one of us was happy about it?

I was walking down the hallway toward my locker room once RAW was over, intent on grabbing my stuff and getting the hell out of the arena, when I happened to walk back craft services, who had just put out a cooler of beer, which was customary after RAW was over. The guys usually liked one to help them unwind while they hung out. Standing there, I stared at the cooler as an idea formed. Shaking my head, I knew this could either end well or end horribly, doing nothing but making things worse but that didn't matter. I owed it John at this point to at least try and fix what I had screwed up so I grabbed two beers and made my way down the hall toward his locker room.

Reaching his door, my hands were shaking so hard I was afraid I was going to drop the two bottles I held. I took one deep, steadying breath, knowing if I waited too long I would talk myself out of it and walk away without ever talking to him, reached out and knock lightly on the door with my knuckles.

"It's open." John's voice drifted through the door. I kept my hands near me, trying to steady the shaking, slowly pushed the door open and peeked my head around it. John's head lifted as I opened the door and his eyes caught mine immediately. I froze for a second when I caught a glimpse of what I thought was relief wash over him as he gave me a half smile. Was he seriously not mad at me? '_Maybe he's not as bad as you thought...maybe he's just really upset about everything...'_

"Hey!" John's voice basically lit up as he spoke._ Is he_ _really that happy to see me? What is wrong with him? _He was perched on a bench in front of the row of lockers that covered the back wall..his forearms resting on his knees as he stared at me. "I was just about to come and look for you."

_'Seriously? Shouldn't he still be fuming mad at me right now?' _I shook the doubt from my head and pushed myself through the door, holding up the beers as I entered. "I figured since you had already bought me a drink without permission that I would return the favor." I teased, trying to lighten the mood.

John's smile was a mile wide as he took the bottle I held out to him and then patted the bench next to him, motioning me to have a seat with him. I perched myself sideways on the bench, facing John, popped open my beer and took a long drink, hoping to calm my nerves.

"You were going to come and look for me?" I questioned, pretending to be interested in a knot in the wood of the bench between us.

"Yeah, I figured I needed to apologize. I really didn't mean to jump on you like that Reilly. It's just been a hell of a long week and Vince throwing me into a romantic storyline a day after I find out I'm getting a divorce was just the icing on the cake. And it's not your fault, don't go thinking it is. I think I'm just exhausted." John spoke, taking a swig of his beer, yet I could feel his eyes on me the whole time I stared at the bench.

"Why wouldn't you be exhausted John? You've been with this company for ten years now without the slightest bit of downtime that I know of...you have every reason to be exhausted." I answered, taking another sip of my beer. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him, still taken back by the flash of relief that had seemed to wash over his face when I entered the locker room. What was it that he could possibly see in me?

John sighed and leaned back against the lockers and I looked up at him for the first time since I had sat next to him. His eyes were closed and sitting this close to him, I could see the dark circles under his eyes for the first time. He really was exhausted, wearing himself so thin to the point it was really starting to take its toll on him. As I sat there, I felt an odd twitch deep down inside. I hated to admit it but there was a small part of me that longed to reach out and touch his face...something I hadn't felt in VERY long time. I shook the thought away though, knowing that wouldn't and couldn't ever happen.

"I've got too much stuff to do to take any downtime Reilly. And I meant what I said, I really am sorry for flipping out on you earlier." John's eyes opened and he turned his head to look at me, studying me as I took another drink of my beer and studied him.

"Don't worry about it. We both said crap we probably shouldn't have. I didn't need to jump down your throat when you were going through so much. I think maybe we both need to realize we said things we didn't mean and we need to get past that since we have a script to pull off." I smiled a little at him. The thought of working this script with him was starting to sound a little more feasible. Maybe even I could manage to make it through it.

"Think you'll be able to put up with me?" John questioned, his pool water eyes sparkling ever so slightly.

"If I have enough of these," I held up my beer, then continued, "I think I can manage."

He smiled at my tease and pushed himself back to a sitting position. "Well then, this..." He reached over and clinked his beer against mine, "is to getting buzzed and working together." His grin was contagious and I couldn't keep myself from smiling back at him.

Standing, I patted his knee as I turned to exit the locker room. "Get some sleep John. And when you're ready, let me know. We've got some scripts to go over."

I moved toward the door but John grabbed my hand from his knee before I could pull it away. "Reilly wait..."

I turned back toward him, confused. He held my hand as he stood from the bench and stopped dangerously close in front of me. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Um...not much. Since we're staying here in town I hadn't had much time to make any plans. Why?" I questioned. I was standing close enough to him that I could feel the warmth coming from his body and it comforted me in the strangest way.

"Well, we have scripts to go over...I thought maybe we could get started tomorrow, if you want." John replied. His eyes never broke their hold on mine and I knew I needed to get out...

"Uh, sure. I don't see why not." I said, unsure of how else to answer. Even though I wanted to and probably should have said no, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Cool. Well, I'll talk to you tomorrow then?" His words were more of a question than a statement.

"Yeah, tomorrow." I answered, pulling my hand away slowly. "Get some sleep John, you need it." I whispered, before turning and slipping out the door. Something told me that if I had looked into his eyes again, my inner resolve would have crumpled and I wasn't about to let that happen. I'd work with him, and we'd try to get along but I still refused to be one of those girls who fell all over him just because of his boyish charm.

_'His charm is really nice though...'_


	8. Sorry

**The Next Afternoon...**

_-John-_

I spent the next morning at the gym, trying to waste as much time as possible. I didn't want to show up at Reilly's door too early but at the same time, couldn't keep my mind off wanting to see her. I couldn't understand why, it wasn't like she was ever happy to see me but something about that intrigued me. It wasn't that I wanted to make her happy to see me, I just wanted to spend time with her. She thought nothing good about me and yet, for some reason, since the night before, all I could think about was seeing her again. I wasn't looking for anything specific, I had just gotten (was still in the process of getting) out of a marriage so I was nowhere near ready to get invested in anything. There was just something about her, something I felt deep down she didn't want anybody to see...something that I really wanted to figure out. I felt there was alot about her that I didn't know and all of a sudden, I was ready and wanting to find out. Whether or not she would let me in, that was a completely different story.

I managed to hold off on heading to her room until around 4:00 pm, running out to the closest gas station to pick up a six pack of beer before I went to see her. I didn't know if she had been serious about her 'having enough beers to manage working with me,' but I figured either way, bringing a few couldn't hurt either one of us. I stopped at the hotel desk on my way back in to get her room number, only to find that she once again was right down the hall from my room.

Reaching her room, I went to knock on the door and then froze, fear taking over. What the hell? What was I scared of? I'd never been scared or nervous about seeing a woman in my life, why now? Did I really want her to like me that badly that I was afraid I would screw it up? '_Maybe you do...' _

I shook my head, shoving the fear back down as far as it would go, knowing if I didn't show up now, her perceived opinions of me would be proven right. I had talked to Kelly, who was best friends with Reilly, once in awhile and it was enough to know that Reilly's opinion of me was definitely not a favorable one. She had heard that I was, and therefore saw me as, a playboy and I used to be exactly that. I will always be the first to admit that I wasn't the smartest guy around when I started out in this company. But things change, people change and I realized just how much of an idiot I had been. Unfortunately, Reilly had yet to see that side of me and my hope now was that maybe, just maybe, I could change her mind.

Realizing I was doing nothing more than wasting time, I reached out and knocked on her door. The resounding, cheerful "Coming" that I heard from the other side was like a shock to my heart. _'She might just be in a good mood you idiot, cool it. It most likely has nothing to do with you showing up.'_

The door swung open and Reilly stood before me in jeans and a RAW t-shirt, her hair straightened and therefore hanging down even farther than it normally would (I have a thing for long hair)..and a gorgeous smile on her face. She leaned against the door, her hand resting lightly on her hip as she studied me and said one simple word..."Hey."

I stood there staring at her for a minute like a doofus who forgot how to speak until my mental self smacked me back into consciousness. "Hi." I held up the beers in my hand and she giggled (the sweetest sound I'd heard in quite awhile) when she saw them. "Thirsty?"

"Sure." She smiled again, pushed the door further open and stepped aside to let me in. "Come on."

I didn't waste a second, walking into the room as soon as she invited me. I set the beer on the table and then turned to watch as she closed the door and turned back to me, the blinding smile still on her face...

Maybe this was going to be easier than I thought...

**Two Months Later...**

From where we sat, it was hard for me to comprehend that only two months had passed. It almost felt like a lifetime, the way things had changed between Reilly and myself. It was Monday night and we were hanging out in my locker room (yeah, you read that right) before RAW started in about an hour. The past two months had gone incredibly smoothly, with us rehearsing our scripts for the next week in the days leading up to them. The only script we hadn't rehearsed was the one we were going into tonight. It wasn't that we didn't have the time. In fact, Reilly and I had hung out on two different occasions in the past week...it was just that, this weeks script was different. This week's script involved the kiss and I hadn't pushed the rehearsal thing with her. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable when she had just started warming up to me. So I had kept quiet, and now, an hour out, I think we were both a little nervous.

"You know, we don't have to do this if you're uncomfortable Reilly. We can go down, see Vince and just ask him to tweak it so you don't have to do it." I offered, trying to be supportive. I knew I would have no problem going through with it. The only thing that did worry me was that once I kissed her, I wouldn't be able to stop. I had felt the feelings for her developing in the past month and it worried me slightly, knowing that she most likely would never feel the same way.

Reilly shook her head but didn't look up at me. "John, I told you, I'm fine. Besides, it's just work right? I'll be fine." She was trying to keep the shaking from her voice, I could tell but I bit my tongue. The last thing I wanted to do was anger her right before we had to go into this. All I was worried about now was where we were going to end up after this was all said and done.

Two hours later, I was out in the ring, bouncing around like I normally do, (I don't do well with the standing still thing), waiting for Phil (CM Punk) to make his way out. He did a minute later, taking his sweet old time and inside I secretly wished he would hurry up. All I wanted to do was see Reilly, that smile on her face, coming down to the ring for me, regardless of whether it was just for work or not. A minute later, her entrance music filled my ears and I watched as she made her way down the ramp and around the ring to her seat, a small smirk teasing the corners of her mouth. The whole point behind the script was that she had been coming down to my matches to support me and tonight, I would thank her for that, by kissing her in the middle of the ring, in front of thousands of people.

Fifteen minutes and many glances in her direction later, the match was over. I waited for Phil to make it back stage before I signaled to the ring guy for a mic. I walked over to the corner nearest where Reilly sat, leaned my arms on the top rope and waved one finger at her. "Come here, I've got something I need to tell you." The resulting whistles from the crowd brought a smile to Reilly's face and I was thankful for that, hoping it would help her relax.

I stayed in the corner, watching as she gracefully made her way up the steps and slipped herself between the second and third ropes into the ring. She perched herself in the opposite corner, one foot propped up behind her on the bottom rope as she looked at me quizzically, her head tilted slightly to one side. I could do nothing but stare at her for a minute, taking in the way the dress she wore hugged every curve and yet, revealed just enough to be enticing. The feelings I was developing for this woman were maddening, and a little overwhelming. Only two months out of a divorce (which I was still going through in court), I never expected to have feelings for any woman so quickly.

Shaking my head, I reminded myself of the task at hand. "So, for two months you've been supporting me, out here for every match, regardless of how boring it is. I just, I don't understand why."

Reilly stared across the ring at me, her hand visibly shaking as she brought the mic to her mouth. " I don't know, I guess I realized that you've never had someone there for you, to support you, when quite a few other people have. I guess I wanted to change that. If you don't want me to.."

"No, no, NO! I'm not complaining so stop. I appreciate it, I really do. And I just wanted to say thank you..." I pushed myself from the corner, walked out to the middle of the ring and stopped, my hand outstretched and waiting for her.

Slowly, she made her way from her corner, gently laying her hand in mine as she reached it. I pulled her up against me, our hands intertwined behind her back as the whistles from the crowd became deafening. It was like they knew what was coming and the chills that ran down my spine from having her so close to me didn't escape me either.

"Like I said, I like having you out here. It's a nice change to have a beautiful woman sitting out at ringside specifically for me. And I'd like to make it a regular thing, if you'll agree to it." I stared down at her, noticing her eyes were a little wider than usual. Was she freaking out?

"What are you suggesting John?" She replied. She didn't pull her eyes away but I could feel her hand shaking in mine.

"Just that..." I started and then slowly leaned toward her. I wasn't supposed to finish. I was just supposed to cut off and kiss her. I could see the change in her breathing, her chest rising and falling much faster than was normal for any human being as I leaned my head down to hers. Making sure the mic was pulled away, I whispered softly, "it's just work," and waited, my lips centimeters from hers.

Reilly's eyes were closed so I couldn't read what she was thinking and that bothered me until she whispered back, "no, it's not," pulled away abruptly and took a step back from me. I felt my eyes go huge as I stared at her, this was falling apart and I didn't know how to help her. Her eyes were a mile wide and almost black sapphire, the fear so visible in them.

She shook her head and I knew this wasn't going to end well for anyone. "I'm sorry John...I...I can't..." She started. She looked out at the crowd and I could tell she was trying to find the words for what she needed to say.

"Reilly, listen we don't have to..." I blabbered, trying to calm her fears.

"No John, you need to listen. I can't...I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. None of this..."She gestured out toward the crowd and then back at me, " I don't deserve any of this. I'm sorry John, I really am. I...I quit." Her last words were not much more than whispers but the resulting gasp from the crowd reassured me that I had heard what I never wanted to. She stared at me for a minute, the fear in her eyes gone, replaced with an overwhelming amount of sadness. 'I'm sorry.' She mouthed before she turned, exited the ring and ran up the ramp and into the backstage area...leaving me dumbfounded (and a little heartbroken) in the middle of the ring.

Reilly had just quit...and I had just lost her...


	9. Visitors

**Two Months Later...**

_-Reilly-_

I hadn't talked to anyone from the company in two months though it certainly wasn't from lack of trying on their part. I felt horrible, especially when Kelly had tried calling me. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to any of them, knowing if I did, I might give in and go back and I still wasn't sure if that's what I wanted. I knew the reason behind my leaving was just that I had gotten scared; the idea of kissing John, an idea that I thought I'd have no problem with, ended up scaring the crap out of me when it came time to actually do it and I panicked..just like I always have. I couldn't handle the situation and I ran...guess I hadn't changed as much as I thought I did.

I still watched RAW every Monday, part of me wanting to keep up on what was going on in case I eventually managed to convince myself to go back (if Vince would have me back.) And it killed me when, sitting helpless at home, I watched John tear a muscle in his arm live on tv. I'd fought with myself so hard at that point, wanting nothing more than to go to him, to be there for him the way he'd been there for me. And yet, my fear kept me planted where I was. I was terrified that he was mad at me for walking out and the fact that he was the one person that hadn't called me in the two months I'd been gone only aggravated my worries. Inside, I knew most likely he'd never speak to me again and I was just starting to come to terms with that fact.

So when my doorbell rang this Friday morning, I didn't think anything of it. It was a week before Christmas, it could have been the mailman with a package for all I knew. When I opened the door though, my entire world kind of flipped upside down and I felt my mouth drop open...

"Hey." The voice of none other than John Cena washed over me, overwhelming me to the point that I had to brace myself against the door frame to keep from falling over. He stood there on my doorstep, one hand shoved in his pocket, the other arm no longer in a sling but I could see the kinesiology tape stretching down it as he stared at me, his eyes searching mine.

"Um...hi." I mumbled, trying to get my brain to function again. "What, how did you know where I lived?" _'Really genius? That's the first thing you have to say to him after two months?_

"I had to sweet talk the girls in HR a little...wasn't that hard. Getting up the courage to come see you though, that was the difficult part." John relented. I watched him as he spoke, not missing how completely exhausted he appeared to be.

"Ok, then I guess my next question should be, why are you here John?" I leaned against the door again, crossing my arms in front of my chest as I waited. I was trying to keep my cool on the outside because inside, my heart was fluttering like a bunch of butterflies. Two months later and something about him still made me feel like a little school girl inside.

"Well," He took a breath before continuing, "there's a couple right answers to that one so I guess I'll give you all of them. One, I actually live here in town...never realized I lived so close to you. Two, as you can tell, I'm not exactly working alot right now and my therapist is here in town and I've got a few appointments coming up. Three, I've got a divorce hearing this next week that I needed to be in town for. And four, and probably the most important reason, I've missed you and wanted to see how you are." He never took his eyes away from mine as he spoke, silently begging me to believe every word he said.

I chewed my lip as I listened, trying to figure out what to say next. "John, if Vince sent you to talk to me, I'm sorry. I just don't know if I can..."

"I'm not here because of Vince. Yes, he's asked me to talk to you multiple times but he doesn't even know I'm here. He wants you back Reilly, we all want you back. He hasn't even pulled your contract out because he's hoping you'll come back before he has to. He said he'll let you out of the storyline, whatever you want..." John stated, taking a step closer to me.

"If he didn't send you John, you're doing a stand up job of lobbying for him." I replied, tearing my eyes from his.

"Ok, you're right. No, I'm not here for him...I'm here for you...and maybe a little bit for me." John's voice was quiet and my head snapped up to look at him again when I heard the last part.

"What do you mean a little bit for you?" My voice cracked as I questioned him.

"Reilly, the fact that you ran out and I don't know why has been eating at me for the past two months. And I probably should have called you, but something told me one, that you wouldn't pick up if you knew it was me, and two, you probably needed your space and I wanted to be the one to give it to you. I didn't want to push you until you were ready to talk, I just...I missed you." His words were pleading, his pool blue eyes dark as they searched mine for any sign that I believed him. And the truth was, as scared as it made me, this time I did.

Sighing, I knew what I was about to do wasn't going to help me make up my mind at all but I didn't care. I had missed him and wanted to give him the chance to explain. Stepping away from the door, I held it open and waited. "Come on."

The questioning look on John's face made me smile a little as he stood there staring at me. "It's hot out. We can talk inside..unless you have somewhere you need to be." I offered. I wasn't lying...it was really warm out for December, even in Florida.

"No, I don't have anywhere to be I just...are you sure Reilly? I'm not trying to push..." John stumbled over his words.

"John, you're not pushing...come on. I think I owe you an explanation anyway." I returned, holding the door open for him. He nodded wordlessly and made his way through the door way, stopping and waiting for me as I closed the door behind him. I led him into the kitchen, suddenly needing a drink to calm my nerves. Opening the refrigerator, I grabbed two beers and turned back to John, who had perched himself on one of the stools next to the island. He smiled softly as he took the beer I held out to him, clinking it softly against mine before taking it. I walked around the island and perched myself on the stool next to his. I didn't understand why but suddenly, I was so comfortable. Just being close to him seemed to relax me.

"I'm sorry I ran out the way I did." I began, staring down at the countertop.

"I never asked you to be sorry." John said, turning on his stool to face me. "I just wanted to understand why. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out what I could have done differently to help you."

"John, there was nothing you did or didn't do. It's just me...I got scared. This is how I've been my entire life, I get scared and I run, rather than dealing with it. I thought I had gotten past that finally but apparently I was wrong." I didn't want to reveal so much but I truly felt as if I owed him an explanation. I had left him standing alone in the middle of the ring that night.

"You were scared? Why didn't you tell me Reilly?" John's voice was full of worry as I felt his eyes watching me.

"I couldn't tell you John...I was scared of you...of what would happen if I did kiss you...scared of where it would lead." I gave in, taking a long drink of my beer. "I'm telling you John, I'm screwed up. I'm not worth the time spent on me."

"I'll be the judge of that Reilly. If I didn't think you were worth the time, I wouldn't be here. I missed you and I wanted to see you. I don't care if you're screwed up, so am I. Eventually I'm hoping I can make you realize that you're so much more than what you think you are." John reached over and took my free hand in his, his fingers intertwining with mine as our hands rested on the cool countertop.

I stared at them for a minute, knowing this is what I had missed for eight years. My past always held me back, kept me scared and I hated it. Hated the fact that I could never let anybody in because I was terrified of getting hurt again. And yet, John had never asked anything of me, so why did I constantly push him away? Maybe his showing up here was more significant than I realized...could I take this chance and for once, not push someone away that cared about me? It had been so long since someone truly cared about me that I'd forgotten how it felt, but it almost seemed as if John wanted to help me remember, even if he didn't know the reason why I distanced myself like I did. If he was going to be in town for a few days, maybe for once I should make the effort to take advantage of it.

I gave John's hand a gentle squeeze as I finally brought my eyes to meet his. "I don't know what it is you see in me John but I'm starting to realize if I keep pushing people away, my life is going to be very just need to forgive me if I lapse backwards...I'm not used to having people interested in what I'm doing and how I am."

"We don't need to rush anything Reilly. I just want to be there for you. I like spending time with you and I don't know what's happened to make you hesitant to let anyone in but I'm not going to push. If you want to tell me, then I have to believe that you'll eventually tell me. And if not, then I know you'd rather no one ever find out. John squeezed my hand and then let his thumb trace small circles on the outside of it as he gazed at me. He was no longer studying me, I felt as if he was just watching me, like he was genuinely interested in what I was thinking.

I sighed, but couldn't pull my eyes away as the next question slipped from my lips. "So you're going to be in town for a few days?"

"Yeah, until just before Christmas..which reminds me, I should head out before it gets too late. I need to find a hotel." His words surprised me.

"Wait, why do you need to find a hotel? Didn't you say you lived here in town?" I questioned.

"Yeah I do...I just can't stay in my house right now." John broke eye contact with me as he looked down at his beer. Was that a blush creeping across his cheeks?

"What do you mean you can't stay in your own house? I'm really confused." He wouldn't look at me but held tight to my hand as I questioned him.

"I'm letting my ex-wife stay in the house, just until she gets settled into a place of her own." He took a long drink of his beer, as if trying to wash the thought from his mind.

"So, she's dragging you through court with this divorce, and yet, you're letting her stay in the house until she finds one of her own? Wow. Maybe I really was wrong about you." I paused when the craziest thought popped into my head. Before I could really question myself about it though, the words came tumbling out of my mouth..."You could always stay here..."

I felt his grip on my hand tighten instantly as his head snapped up to look at me. As embarrassed as I was, I forced myself to not look away. I mean really, what was so wrong with what I had said? If he was a good enough guy to allow his ex-wife to stay in his house until she found one of her own, while he had to stay in a hotel, why couldn't I, as his friend, offer him a place to stay?

"Reilly..." He started, and I knew instantly what he was going to say.

"John, you're willing to give up your comfort and stay in a hotel when you live here in town, just so you're ex doesn't have to be inconvenienced...it's ridiculous for you to have to pay for a hotel room, especially when I have plenty of extra empty rooms upstairs. I'm not twisting your arm, I just figured I would offer..."_'Holy crap, where is this confidence coming from?'_

"You don't need to do that Reilly. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable having me here." John's eyes were searching mine again, maybe trying to figure out if I was actually serious.

"I'm not uncomfortable John. I wouldn't have offered if I was. I just, I guess after you being there so much for me, I guess maybe I wanted it to be my turn to be there for you." I didn't know who this person was that I was becoming but it scared the crap out of me. It had been more than eight years since I had been this sure, this confident with a guy, and even then, none of those guys had ever been close to the type of guy John was. I knew eventually, my fear and hesitation would catch up with me, but for the moment, they were nowhere in sight.

He sighed, glancing away quickly as if trying to decide if I was really offering him this. When he looked back at me, the sparkle that had taken over his enticing blue eyes was almost overwhelming. "Are you sure?"

_'Yes, yes...say yes you idiot! What are you waiting for?' _Smiling, I looked him right in the eye as I answered, "yes, I'm sure. Go get your stuff."

John's smile was a mile wide as he hopped off the bar stool and set his beer down on the counter. I thought he was going to head out to his car when he caught me by surprise, leaned over and kissed my forehead softly. "You really are amazing Reilly." His words were barely a whisper as he swept out of the kitchen and headed toward the front door as I sat, motionless on the stool. Slowly, I raised my hand, lightly touching the spot where his lips had just been, shivers running down my spine...

This was going to be an interesting couple of days.


	10. No One

**Monday Morning...**

_-John-_

The next two days had flown by, with Reilly and I spending almost every waking minute together. She had even volunteered to come to my therapy appointment yesterday and sat with me through the whole thing, taking over icing duties on my arm when my therapist had gone to check on another appointment. I watched her as she repeatedly pressed the ice to my arm, finding the gentleness she showed slightly overwhelming. I couldn't keep from staring at her, even when I could tell she was doing everything she could to focus on my arm and not on looking at me. She was still holding back and yet, there were parts of her that I could see coming through. As I watched her, her focus so steady on my arm, I could tell she was deep in thought about something but didn't ask, trying to allow her a moment without constant questions. That's what alot of our past two days had been...questions. She would ask me things about my past, and I was careful in selecting what I asked her. I wanted to know everything about her and yet, I was unsure of how to go about asking the personal questions about her past without making her feel uncomfortable.

So as I pulled up to her house after finishing up with my divorce hearing, it was hard to swallow the fact that I would be leaving the following night. Christmas eve was on Wednesday and I had promised my mom that I would make it home this year because work had kept me away last year. I just wasn't ready to leave...wasn't ready to let go of what Reilly and I seemed to be developing. Most likely it was just in my head, I was probably just imagining the looks I saw her give me but I didn't care. If I was dreaming I wasn't ready to wake up from this anytime soon.

I made my way up the front steps and pushed open the front door. She had told me she'd leave it open in case she was caught up in something when I got back. The house was silent but through the hallway I could see the back doors leading out to the patio had been left open, the late afternoon sun streaming through the doors and across the tile floor. I kicked off my shoes, leaving them rest next to the door, walked onto the patio and froze when I found Reilly. She was sitting at the edge of her pool with her back to me, her legs dangling in the water as she stared out over the hills behind her house. From where I stood, her figure was perfectly framed in slowly disappearing sun and it was more than breathtaking. I stood there on the patio, taking it all in. There was something about her, something I wanted to understand, and I didn't know how to go about it. What I did know, standing there watching her, was that the feelings I was feeling were different than I'd ever felt before and I wasn't sure how to process it.

I started making my way down to where she was, never taking my eyes off of her. As I got closer, she lifted her hair off her back and held it up off her neck, as if it was too warm for her and I stopped short...was that?...I moved closer, not wanting to scare her, but unsure if I was really seeing what I thought I saw. As soon as I was close enough that the sun didn't affect my vision, I realized I wasn't seeing things...spreading across her gorgeous tan skin were multiple small white scars, each about 2-3" in length. Not believing I had never seen these before, I knelt down behind her and without thinking, reached out cautiously, not wanting to believe anything horrible could have happened to her.

"Reilly, what..." I started, touching one of the scars as softly as I could manage.

She gasped when she heard my voice, her head snapping up to look at me as she immediately let her hair down, attempting to cover her back again. I'd never seen so much fear in someone's eyes as I saw in hers at this moment and I began to realize that maybe, this is what I didn't know about her...this is what I didn't understand.

"It's nothing John...just, just forget about it." Reilly stammered, turning to face me as much as she could while still sitting on the edge of the pool, doing everything she could to keep her back from me.

"Reilly," I pleaded, lifting her head back to me when she broke eye contact and stared down into pool, "let me in."

Her eyes were huge as they searched mine, almost as if she was trying to decide if she could trust me. Whatever these scars were from, it was something she had buried, intent on never letting it out for anyone to see. I reached down and took her hand in mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. She sighed, turned back to face the pool, and then I watched as she pulled her hair, painstakingly slowly, off her back and over her shoulder. I sat next to her, not missing the fact that she was now gripping the sides of the pool so hard her knuckles had turned white. Whatever this was, she was terrified, and my heart was pounding out of control, unsure of what I was getting into but at the same time, not caring.

"You weren't supposed to see these." Reilly's words were mere whispers as she hung her head, her eyes searching the water.

I didn't know what to say, I couldn't keep my eyes from the scars marring her perfect skin. I carefully reached out again, my fingers just barely skimming over the scars as I studied them. Twelve in all, uneven and random in their placements...I immediately ruled out surgery. There was no rhyme or reason to any of them, some slightly longer than others, if this was an accident, it was the strangest accident I'd ever seen.

As I studied her scars, I didn't miss the fact that every time my hand touched her skin, she tensed immediately. This was freaking her out and I wondered just how many people had been close enough to her to see these.

"Were you...was it, an accident?" I questioned quietly, my fingers lightly tracing one of the longer ones that cut across her shoulder blade.

"Huh..yeah. An accident." She scoffed, shaking her head slowly.

"Well, if it wasn't an accident then, what happened Reilly?" I didn't want to push but at this point, I had to know what had happened to her.

She didn't look at me, but lifted her head to stare out over the hills again and in the corner of her eye, I could see the tears forming. Whatever this memory was, it was incredibly painful to her. "I wasn't lying when I told you that my last relationship wasn't exactly a healthy one John. He took me for granted and I let him. And one day, I finally got tired of it and decided I was going to leave." She paused, wiping a stray tear that had slipped down her cheek before continuing. "Needless to say, he wasn't very happy about it. We were in the kitchen, and I made the mistake of turning my back on him after I told him I was leaving him. He grabbed the closest knife and, well..."

I felt the air leave my lungs in one swift breath. The fact that someone, anyone could attack her like this...could scar such a beautiful woman inside and out, the thought made me sick to my stomach. I heard Reilly take a deep breath and my head snapped up again, silently praying she'd continue.

"The last thing I remember about him, he was standing over me as I laid on the kitchen floor, and he said that, if I managed to somehow survive, at least I'd never be able to forget about him." She chewed her lip as she thought and I watched a visible shiver shake her shoulders as she finished, "And I never have."

I didn't know what else to do so I slowly pried her fingers off the side of the pool and cradled her hand in mine, marveling at how small it looked. My head was screaming at me to say something but I wasn't sure where in the hell to start. Part of me was steaming mad that anyone could ever lay their hands on her, but the other, larger part of me wanted nothing more than to take her pain away for her.

"You can't tell anyone about this John, no one was ever supposed to know." Every word out of Reilly's mouth just tore my heart apart more. How could she could be sitting her talking to me about this after how much she had been through, I couldn't understand.

"I won't say a word. I'm just, I don't know. I'm just amazed by the fact that I'm seeing this and realizing that somehow, you still managed to survive." I relented, running a hand through my hair as I stared at her.

"He left me there, lying on the kitchen floor in my own blood. And it was at that moment that I decided, despite the pain, that if I was strong enough to finally leave him, that I was strong enough to fight through what he'd done. So I managed to get myself to a phone and called 911. And the people that found me, and the nurses and doctor at the hospital are the only ones on this Earth that know what happened to me." Finally she turned to look at me as she finished, "and by some miracle, he's never come looking for me since then."

I felt my eyes widen and my mouth drop as her words hit me. "Reilly, what do you mean he hasn't come looking for you? Why isn't he in jail?" My blood was boiling at the thought of the bastard still walking the streets.

She sighed but didn't look away as she thought about it, her eyes distant as her memories washed over her. "I couldn't John. The police asked me what happened and I told them I was in the kitchen and got attacked from behind, that I had never seen their face and had no clue who would want to hurt me. I couldn't tell them the truth. He would have eventually gotten out, and I knew when he did he'd come to finish what he hadn't the first time. I just figured it was better if I said nothing, in the hopes that maybe it would get him to leave me alone. And for 7 years, it has. And it needs to stay that way." The visible shiver that ran through her body made me want nothing more than to take her in my arms and never let her go.

"I swear, if I had known you back then, things would have ended differently. I would have been there for you every minute Reilly." I whispered, squeezing her hand again.

A sniffle escaped her as she tore her eyes from mine and looked down at our hands twined together between us. "No one was there John...no one. My own mother doesn't even know what happened. She thinks I spent a week at a friends house rather than in a hospital...no one cared..." I felt her breaking down and tried to force her to look back at me again but this time, nothing. I watched helplessly as the tears began rolling silently down her cheeks and she turned back to face the pool, trying to hide her pain from me.

"Reilly, look at me. Please..." I begged. She did nothing more than shake her head, the tears on her cheeks glistening in the fading sun and I knew, watching her in that moment, that I would be there for her...I wanted to be everything she'd never had. I wanted to take away her pain. I didn't know where these feelings were coming from; if I just felt bad for her...no, that wasn't it anymore. In that moment, I realized the true reason I was so angry that any man could ever hurt her the way he had...I was falling for this woman. This torn, broken, haunted woman...I was falling faster than I could pick myself back up...and all I wanted to do was save her from her past.

Knowing she wasn't going to turn back to me this time, I took matters into my own hands and street clothes be damned, I slipped into the pool and came around in front of her so that I was eye level with her as she stared back at me, her eyes once again huge.

"What are you doing?" Reilly sniffled softly, the gorgeous blue of her eyes sparkling from the tears that had not yet been shed.

"What no one else ever did." I replied before carefully placing my hands on her hips and pulling her into my arms and into the water. She stared at me, confused as ever, as I slipped my arms around her and held her to me, the water wrapping around the two of us. "Reilly, you deserve to be happy. The fact that that asshole did what he did to you and he's still walking free pisses me off to no end but that's not the point right now. I want you to be happy...I want to be the one that makes you happy...Let me show you that you can be happy again." I whispered. I couldn't resist bringing one hand up and cradling her perfect face in it as she gazed back at me.

"I don't know where to start John..." Her words were so quiet, if I hadn't been so close to her I would have never heard them.

"I'll show you, I just need you to let me in." I begged, pulling her tighter against me. Now that I knew how it felt having her this close to me, I never wanted to let her go.

She said nothing, just looked back at me with the saddest expression for what felt like the longest time. I did nothing more than hold her, hoping it made her feel safe, not able to believe how whole it made me feel. Seconds, minutes maybe, ticked by before she finally spoke again. "I don't want to hurt anymore," and my resolve fell apart.

I pressed my lips to her forehead, swearing to myself I would do everything in my power from then on to somehow make her smile again. "No one's ever going to hurt you again Reilly, I promise." I whispered and as I did, I felt her arms slip under mine and she softly laid her head on my shoulder as I held her tight against me. I meant what I had said...

_Now where do I begin?_


	11. Lifted

**Later That Night...**

-_Reilly-_

I found myself curled up at the end of the couch, my head resting on my pulled up knees as I watched John that night. We were supposedly watching old school Christmas specials on TV but I couldn't concentrate. My mind was racing and there was no particular direction. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I had let him in. Hadn't I sworn to myself years ago that I would never let anyone know? Of course, not keeping my back covered wasn't the smartest thing but I guess once he saw the scars, there was no hiding it anymore and somehow, I had known that he would have been able to tell if I was lying to him as well. This was the exact reason I never had my hair up without something covering my back...the same reason why I had specifically requested that all my ring gear cover my back, so I wouldn't have to worry about anyone ever finding out my secret.

But now, someone had. And in the same moment, he had promised me that he would do everything he could to make me happy? I hadn't and still couldn't understand why. What was in it for him? What was he getting out of trying to make me happy?  
These were the questions that bothered me when John turned and realized I was watching him. His smile was overwhelming, something I wasn't used to. Why did my stomach do flip-flops when he looked at me that way?

"What's wrong?" He questioned, his hand resting softly on my foot.

I shook my head, silently refusing to let anymore out. "Nothing, just thinking." I lied, forcing a smile.

"You're not a very good liar, you know that right?" His words caught me by surprise. How could he see through me so easily?

"Apparently not." I relented. He didn't push but tore his eyes from mine, analyzing my puny Christmas tree in the corner. I was alone here so I hadn't seen the need to put up a big tree or a bunch of decorations this year.

"So are you going to see family tomorrow for the holidays?" Another question that caught me by surprise. Damn, he'd know if I were lying to him so I knew the truth was my only option this time.

"Um...no. Not this year." I gave in. "I just decided I'm going to hang out here this time. My mom's busy with her new husband anyway."

"Wait, so you're just going to be sitting here by yourself for Christmas?" John turned so he was facing me on the couch and placed both his hands on my feet in front of him, holding me there.

"It's not a big deal John. It's not like it's the first time I've done it." My voice was quiet as I stared down at his hands on my feet. The feeling was oddly comforting.

"Absolutely not. I'm not leaving you here to spend Christmas by yourself." John's voice was so stern, I brought my eyes to meet his, wondering if he was actually mad.

"John why.." I started...

"Come home with me." His words caused the breath to rush out of my lungs and I sat there, my mouth hanging open as I studied him. John chuckled softly as he slid closer, taking my hand in his. "I mean it Reilly. Come home for Christmas with me. Mom would love to see you again, and I just don't feel comfortable leaving you here alone." I had met his mom a few times on the road and couldn't help but fall in love with her. She was truly the mother I had always wished I could have.

I shook my head, snapping myself out of my state of shock and back to reality as I stood from the couch and walked over to the large sliding doors that overlooked the backyard and hills behind my house.

"It's kind of funny. As a little girl I always had this dream of spending Christmases in the woods, in a snow covered cabin, with a fire roaring in the fire place...And look where I end up. I end up spending them in the most opposite climate; warm, sunny weather, without a trace of a snow flake in sight." I stated, wrapping my arms tightly around myself as the dream washed over me again.

I heard John move from the couch and cross the room toward me but I didn't turn around. I felt his hands come down lightly on my shoulders and couldn't keep a soft shiver from running over my skin as he whispered, " So come home with me. There's no woods or a cabin, but there's plenty of snow."

Shaking my head again, I stepped away and turned around to look at him. "I'm not imposing on your mother for Christmas just because you feel bad about leaving me alone John. I told you, I'll be fine. It isn't the first time and it most likely won't be the last."

John sighed and this time he was the one to shake his head. He stood there, regarding me as he ran a hand through his short hair and sighed before giving in, "Fine. I'm not going to push you about it. You're really stubborn, you do know that?"

I allowed him a half smile as I walked back over and plopped myself down on the couch. "Not stubborn, just know how I want things to go."

He didn't move, watching me intently, before his eyes widened slightly, just for a moment, and then went back to normal. "That reminds me," he started, " I need to give my mom a call and let her know what time my flight gets in tomorrow. I'll be back in a minute." And with that, John turned and bounded up the stairs to his temporary room as I stared after him.

_'He never just gives in like that. Was that really a little "too" easy?'_

-John-

I hadn't lied when I had said I needed to call my mom. The truth was I did have to call her, it just wasn't to let her know what time my flight got in the next day. Instead, if things worked out the way I hoped, and they most likely would, I wouldn't be going home for Christmas after all. I didn't even know if Reilly would agree to what I had planned, but I was ready, and more than willing to find out. I was NOT about to let her sit at home by herself for Christmas, especially after finding out about all she had been through. She deserved someone to be there for her...all I could do at this moment was hope I could be the one.

Ten minutes later, I hung up the phone after an amazing conversation with my mom. I hadn't told her my reason for wanting to stay, just that I didn't want to, and couldn't leave Reilly alone for Christmas. The funniest thing was that when my mom found out that it was Reilly I was going to be staying with, she then became insistent that I not come home, but spend the holiday with her. Apparently, the few times Reilly had met my mother, she had made more of an impression on her than either of us realized.

I was just about to head back down the stairs, when, out of nowhere, another idea popped into my head. This idea, however, would be more complicated to pull off, especially getting Reilly to agree to it. I made another quick phone call, making sure my idea could be put on hold until I knew for sure whether I would need it or not, then headed back downstairs before she started wondering what I was up to.

As I walked back into the family room downstairs, I was stopped short as my eyes fell on Reilly curled up on the couch. Her eyes were fixed on the tv but I could tell she wasn't really concentrating on the screen. She was thinking again and I wanted nothing more than to know what was going on in that head of hers. But it wasn't that that had caught me off guard. It was the lights...the lights from the Christmas tree in the corner of the room were playing off of her skin and hair in a way I hadn't noticed when I had been sitting next to her. She had a glow about her, a radiance that I couldn't begin to describe. There was so much more to this woman than I knew and all I wanted was to find out everything about her. Here I was, big tough guy, being reduced to nothing more that a puddle of unspoken emotions, and she had no idea.

Reilly could apparently sense she was being watched and turned her head toward me, resting it on her pulled up knees. The instant smile that took over her face caught me by surprise. Was she actually happy to see me? _No, stupid, she's probably just being nice. Now cool it..._

"Started thinking you got lost." Her voice was soft as she teased me.

"Yeah, sorry. Conversation took a little longer than I had planned. But everything's sorted out." I replied, crossing the room.

"Well, that's good." She smiled again as I plopped down on the floor next to her rather than on the couch across from her. I didn't want to be too pushy but at the same time, wanted to be closer to her.

"Yeah it is...but, I have a dilemma." I was trying my best to keep the smirk off my face but it wasn't working.

"Oh really?" Reilly's eyebrows raised in question as she stared down at me. " And what, exactly, is that dilemma John?"

"Well..see...I can't go home." I started. I couldn't help the resulting chuckle that escaped when I saw how wide her eyes got at my admission.

"Um, ok. Why can't you go home?" She was somewhat hesitant to let her question out, most likely scared of what my answer was going to be.

"I can't go home for Christmas because as much as my mom may need me home, she and I both think there's someone that needs me more," I turned around so I was completely facing her and took her hand in mine before finishing, " if she'll let me stay."

Reilly's mouth dropped open a little and her sapphire eyes were almost black as my statement sank in. She did nothing but stare at me for a minute and I started to worry that she had gone into shock until she shook her head quickly.

"John, I told you, I'll be fine. I spend alot of time by myself, this isn't any different." Her response was so quick, it was almost as if she was trying to convince herself of what she was saying.

"I know what you said. But I don't believe it and I don't think you do either. Reilly, I told you, I want to make you happy. And you can't be happy sitting at home by yourself on Christmas. I'm not asking for much. We don't need to do anything, we can just sit and hang out for the next few days I don't care...I just don't want to," I paused, thought about what I meant and then continued, "And I'm not so sure if I can, leave you. These last few days have been amazing, just getting to spend time with you like this, outside work, just being normal, and I don't want to give that up just yet. But if you tell me to leave, then I'll go. I won't push. I just wanted you to know how much this has meant to me..." I wanted to continue but the tears that suddenly took over her gorgeous blue eyes shut me up instantly. Had I made her mad?

_-Reilly-_

I couldn't keep the tears hidden anymore. The scariest part was that I believed him. Sitting there, looking down into John's eyes, the way he didn't look away, the way he look directly back at me, was almost like he was doing everything he could to get me to believe him...and it was working. I was scared out of my mind at the feelings I was experiencing at this very moment and yet, there was a big part of me that was growing bigger by the second, that was begging me to say yes. Was I really ready to let him in this much to spend Christmas with him? Hadn't I already let him in enough?

I said nothing as he watched me, just thought about it for a minute. And I realized, after everything I had already told him, there wasn't much of a difference in whether I let him in or not anymore. He had found out more about me in a span of a couple days than most of my family has known about me in my lifetime...so was there really anything more to letting him stay here for Christmas? Deep inside, I knew anything would be better than my last few Christmases spent alone, and spending it with John, well, that seemed to make the idea that much more enticing. I searched inside myself as I looked at him, trying to find any good, viable reason as to why I shouldn't let him stay...my head was screaming at me to not go down this road but my heart...well, my heart seemed to be on its own path this time. The last time I had followed that path, I'd ended up in the hospital for a week...was I really going to go down that path again? Was I ready to risk getting hurt just for a chance that I might end up happy?

At that moment, John squeezed my hand gently and I shook myself from my thoughts. As my eyes refocused on his, I knew my answer...in John's eyes at that moment, I saw everything I'd ever wanted to see in another person, every emotion, every amount of trust, of caring that I'd ever wanted someone to have for me. And now, I was seeing it. Maybe, just maybe, it was time for me to take another risk. I'd already put myself out there and he hadn't run away after he knew about my past...maybe he was different than the rumors I'd believed for so long.

Sighing, I couldn't keep the smile from spreading across my face as I shook my head, unable to believe what I was about to do. "Ok."

John's eyes widened and I felt his hand tighten around mine as I watched the questioning expression spread across his face. "Ok what?"

"Ok, you can stay with me for Christmas." I gave in and for once, it felt like the constant pain I carried around with me had been lifted off my shoulders.

"Reilly, are you sure? I mean it, I'm not trying to push, I just..."

I cut him off, pressing my fingers gently to his lips. "Hush. Yes I'm sure but if you keep questioning me, I just might change my mind."

I couldn't believe how wide the smile was that spread across John's face in the next instant and then I saw the somewhat mischevious sparkle cross the watery blue in his eyes. "You're an amazing woman, you know that right?" He pushed himself from the floor and kissed my cheek quickly before turning to exit the room. "You might want to start getting packed though. I have a phone call to make."

It took me a minute to process what he had just said as I sat there stunned on the couch. Did he just tell me to start packing? For what? "John, why..." I started.

He popped his head back around the corner, that huge smile still plastered to his face. "Don't worry about why, just go start packing. Oh, and you might want to pack warm," was all he said before he disappeared around the corner and I heard him bound up the stairs to his room once again.

_Huh? What had I just gotten myself into? And what was he up to?_


	12. Dreams

**The Next Morning (Christmas Eve)... **

_-Reilly-_

I found myself in John's car on the way to the airport the next morning, tired as hell from not sleeping much the night before. Sleep hadn't really been an option the way my mind was racing. John hadn't and wouldn't tell me what he was up to or where we were going, only that I needed to pack warm and pack enough for two days. I had given up questioning him, knowing when he didn't want something to come out, it wouldn't and pushing the subject would only further my frustrations. What I did know was that since the moment I had told him he could stay with me for Christmas, he'd been probably the happiest I'd ever seen him. You couldn't have wiped the smile off his face if you tried and deep inside, his happiness made me happy. The more I thought about my decision, the more I discovered, I was truly happy that he was staying with me. What was happening to me?

An hour later we were seated in a couple of chairs at our boarding gate and only then, because he couldn't hide it anymore, did I find out what our destination was.

"John, what's in Connecticut?" I questioned, staring up at the board in front of gate listing arrival and departure times.

He smirked a little as he thought about my question. "What's in Connecticut, " he paused and turned to look at me before continuing, "is the place where you and I are going to spend Christmas together."

"We could have spent Christmas together at my house. Why do we need to go somewhere?" I wondered, more to myself than a real question.

"I know we could have...I just, came up with an idea." That contagious smile was creeping across his face again and I shook my head teasingly as I turned back to the board. He really was up to something but I was determined to not let it get to me. I wasn't spending Christmas alone for the first time in a few years so I wasn't about to complain.

Three hours later we landed in Connecticut and I think John could tell I was slightly wary of what he was up to. He didn't question me as I silently followed him through the airport to get our bags, and then again, silently followed him to the rental car counter. Once we reached our car, John took my bag and set it in the trunk as I did nothing more than stare at him, unsure of what to say. My nerves were taking over and I think he could tell I was really trying to figure out what he was doing as he closed the trunk of the car and stood there and stared at me as I looked right back at him.

"I wish I knew what was going on in that head of yours." John admitted, crossing his arms in front of him as he leaned back against the rental.

"If I could make any sense of it, I'd let you know." I relented, peeking up at him through the fringe of hair hanging down in front of my eyes.

"Reilly, what's really going on?" His words were soft, concerned as he pushed himself off the car and came toward me.

I raised my head to look at him as he stopped dangerously close in front of me, our faces only inches apart. "I'm just trying to figure all this out John. Trying to figure out what exactly you're doing and why you're doing it."

"One, I want you to be happy, and two...because I can." John smirked as he took my arm and guided me gently to the passenger side of the car, opening the door so I could slip in.

We pulled out of the airport parking lot and soon I saw the city disappear as we drove through snow covered wooded roads. I now understood why he had told me to pack warm as I stared out the window, realizing it had been a good eight or nine years since I had last seen snow. Half an hour later, we turned off the main road and down a wooded drive secluded by the amount of trees surrounding it. I couldn't tear my eyes from the window as I took in the scene before me. The way the snow had settled on the trees and ground, it was breathtaking, just like I had always pictured in my...oh no...is that what he was doing?

My head snapped around to stare at John who was focused on the road before him. "John, what you're doing...it doesn't have anything to do with me telling you about a dream I had growing up does it?" I questioned, suddenly more nervous than ever.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." John teased, a small smile playing on the corners of his mouth.

"John Cena, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Does your plan have anything to do with me telling you about the dream I had about spending Christmases in a cabin somewhere?" I pushed, turning in my seat so that I could see him more easily. I hadn't noticed that he'd slowed the car down.

He stopped the car and put it in park before turning in his seat to face me, the smile full across his lips by now. "I don't know, why don't you tell me?"

He gestured out the front windshield and slowly, I turned my head to see what he meant. When I saw the scene in front of me, I felt every ounce of air rush from my lungs in one swift breath. I couldn't move, couldn't think as I stared through the windshield at where we'd ended up. Standing in front of our rental was an absolutely gorgeous two-story log cabin, so perfectly covered in snow, it was as if it had been torn from the pages of a magazine, an enormous full length covered porch wrapping the entire front and side of it. I knew my mouth was hanging open as I pulled my eyes from my dream and stared at John, my mind not able to form any sort of coherent thought at the moment. He saw the questions running through my eyes and chuckled softly as he took my hand in his and gave it a soft squeeze.

"Go on." He whispered, his sparkling eyes searching mine.

"What..." I started, then paused, not even sure of what I was going to say.

"Go on...I'll get the bags." John repeated, giving my hand another reassuring squeeze before reaching across and opening my door. Slowly I unclipped the seat belt and made my way out of the suv, unable to tear my eyes from the cabin as I slowly walked up the shoveled walkway, my eyes drinking in every little detail. It was oddly comforting, how close every detail was to what I had always pictured in my head. I carefully made my way up the front steps and stopped with my hand on the doorknob, needing a deep breath to steady myself before I went any further.

As soon as I could collect myself, I made my way inside and spent the next 20 minutes walking the house, still unable to think clearly. My fingers lightly trailed along the railings and furnishings as I wandered, trying to make myself believe that this was all real. As I finished my self-guided tour of the upper floor, I plopped myself down at the top of the stairs, staring down into the spacious living room as I watched John building a fire in the enormous open fireplace. Once it had started, he turned and glanced around, as if looking for me, until he noticed me sitting at the top of the stairs. He walked over to the bottom and stopped, looking up at me as I did nothing more than stare back at him. I was concentrating on trying not to let the tears out, I was so overwhelmed by all of this. It was something he'd never needed to do and yet, here we were, because he wanted me to be happy? Inside I was ecstatic and I wasn't sure how to let it out.

"Well?" John wondered, gazing up the stairs at me. The small smile that seemed to permanently settle on his features set my heart fluttering around my chest.

I said nothing for a minute, regarding him as I wondered silently about the feelings I was having. Was I developing feelings for him? Was I really letting myself feel something for a man after so long? I couldn't keep my own smile from spreading as I stood from my perch at the top of the stairs, walked slowly down to where he stood and stopped on the stair above him so that I was eye level with him. He waited, watching me patiently for any sign that I was freaking out or ready to bolt out the door and I stared back at him for just a second before, without thinking, threw my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder. He didn't hesitate but instead his own arms enveloped me instantly, snaking their way around my waist and pulling me tight against him as he rested his head lightly against mine. We stood that way for a few minutes, neither of us saying anything, and me attempting to keep the overwhelming tears at bay, until I managed to collect myself and pull away slowly.

John stared down at me, that smile still plastered to his face. "I don't know why you're doing this...but thank you." I admitted, an intense blush spreading across my cheeks.

"Rule number one, you NEVER need to thank me, for anything." John answered. "Come on," He took my hand and led me gently into the living room and for once, it was my face that you couldn't keep the smile off of.

**The Next Night (Christmas Day)...**

_-Reilly-_

Every detail of those two days in that cabin will be forever etched in my mind. Never had I spent such a relaxing, and at the same time, emotionally draining, two days with anyone in my life. John and I spent most of the time in the living room with the fireplace roaring, talking about anything and everything, including him wanting me to come back to work with him, which was something I still wasn't sure if I was ready for. All the time we were talking, my mind was racing, trying to understand the scope of the feelings I was experiencing. More than once I had chalked them up to being situational; that I wasn't actually having feelings for John, just feelings emanating because of where we were. And yet, by nightfall on Christmas day, knowing that we would be taking separate flights out in the morning, (he was headed back out on the road, and I was going back home to Florida,) I still couldn't shake them. Something was nagging at me the entire time and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was.

That point brings me to where I sat at the moment. I was perched on the edge of my bed, staring into the small fire that burned in the bedroom fireplace, trying to sort through the events of the past week. It had been, in all honesty, one of the most amazing weeks of my life, but I wasn't sure if it was because I had spent it with John or just because I had spent it with someone in general. What bothered me more than anything though, and what I had sat pondering for the last hour, was why he'd done any of this. What reason would he have for voluntarily wanting to do any of this for me? Was he getting something out of it that I didn't know about? I wasn't that important,so why waste his time and energy on someone like me?

John and I had said our goodnights a good hour or so before, after spending (yet again) a good part of the night, conversing in the living room, but sitting there, staring into the flames, I knew this may well be my only chance to have my questions answered. I knew, if I was going to ask him at all, that this needed to be the time to do it. I wouldn't get another chance like this and I rationalized that, despite whatever the answer may be, I had to know...I needed to know why we were here, why he wanted to spend time with me.

Pushing myself from the bed, I crossed the room and stopped with my hand on the doorknob, begging my nerves to calm down enough for me to at least make it down the hall. I contained the shaking as best I could and, after silently swinging my door open, my way down the dim hallway toward John's room.

I reached his door and froze, again, wondering what the hell I was doing? Was this really that important that I had to go bother him an hour after we had said good night? I shook my head, knowing that if I didn't do this now, I most likely would never find out. I needed to know, and one way or another, this was the only way to do it. So, muscles tight in a last second attempt to control the shaking, I brought my hand carefully down on the door handle, and pushed...


	13. Moonlight and Snow

_-Reilly-_

Slowly, and as silently as I could, I pushed the door to John's bedroom open, immediately taken back by the scene in front of me. John stood, a pair of workout pants slung low on his hips and no shirt with his back to me, in front of the door leading out to the deck, his arm propped up against the door frame. The only light in the room was from the moon outside the door; the soft, filtered light pouring in and spilling across the floor, bathing John in an almost surreal glow. If he had heard me come in, he didn't turn around, his focus on the snow falling just outside the door. The entire scene took my breath away, it was almost too perfect. This was what I had always pictured as a little girl, a cabin in the woods during the holidays...snow falling outside the window...and a man who wanted nothing more than to make me happy...And yet, this reality still wasn't mine. Sure the circumstances were there but John wasn't mine and probably never would be. I shook my head, knowing it was just a matter of time before I woke up from this dream and was thrown back into the reality that was my life.

A soft sigh escaped my lips, knowing I shouldn't be standing there. Just as I went to turn around though, John turned from the door, catching my gaze instantly and I was immediately grateful for the low light in the room as I felt the intense blush creep across my cheeks.

"Hey." He said simply. His eyes were soft, searching mine across the room, for what I wasn't sure.

"Hey." I replied, unsure of what else to say. Breaking his gaze, I stared down at the floor, the embarrassment taking over. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have barged in. I just..."

"Reilly," John interrupted and then paused, waiting for me. Slowly I lifted my head to find his eyes still waiting for mine, a soft smile settling into his features. When my eyes found his he continued, "Come here." He held his hand out to me, patiently waiting yet again. I felt as if he was always waiting for me and I knew sooner or later, his patience would run out.

I stood frozen to the floor for a minute, fighting with myself as my mind told me to run down the hall and back to my own room. This time though, I shook it away and crossed the dark room slowly toward John. Reaching his still outstretched hand, I laid mine softly in his and let him pull me up next to the door with him. We said nothing, just stood there gazing out the window, our hands intertwined and hanging between us.

Minutes, seconds...I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I felt John's thumb start tracing small circles on my hand. Turning to him, I knew I had to get out my question before I completely forgot why I was there. John never let go of my hand as he turned to face me and when I saw the sparkle in his pool blue eyes I swore I almost forgot how to speak. There was something there, something begging to be let out that scared me to no end. What was it that this man saw in me that caused him to light up every time he looked at me?

"I just, I needed to ask you one question." I stammered, desperately holding onto what was left of my composure.

"Anything." John whispered, nonchalantly pulling me just a little closer.

A deep breath in and I silently begged my nerves to go away as one word left my lips. "Why?"

"Why what Reilly?" He questioned.

"This," I started, gesturing to the gorgeous scene before us. " All of this. Why John? Why would you even want to do any of this?" I broke eye contact with him, not able to handle it anymore. My eyes drifted out the door, in awe of the way the snow sparkled in the glow of the moon.

"I don't think why is really the question. I think," he paused, placing his hand softly under my chin and turning my head back toward his before continuing, "the real question is, why not. I want to make you happy. Why can't I make you happy?"

"I don't deserve any of this John. I just, I don't deserve anything." I had to bite my lip, begging the tears not to fall. I had never opened up to someone so much in such a short amount of time and the realization of that began to overwhelm me. Pulling my hand from his, I turned toward the door, my breath shaky as I tried to compose myself. I wasn't about to let him see me cry.

"I don't know what else to do. You are amazing and you deserve to be happy. You deserve everything Reilly and I wish I could give it to you but I think it would do nothing more than push you further away and that's the last thing I want." I felt his hands come down softly on my shoulders and I knew he could tell I was shaking as he slowly spun me around to face him once more. I chewed my lip as I stared at his bare chest, my eyes blinking rapidly as I attempted to force the tears away. "Reilly, look at me, please." Johns voice begged and for some reason, I couldn't help but listen. Meeting his gaze this time was the end of whatever composure I may have had left. The way the moon sparkled through his blue eyes, the amount of emotion I found swimming in them, I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I felt the tears slip down my cheek but made no move to wipe them away. I was tired of wiping them away, tired of hiding the pain I felt. He knew why, I had let him in on my pain,so why was I hiding it from him now?

John's hand left my shoulder and came to my cheek, cradling it as his thumb wiped a tear that was slipping away. "Don't cry, please don't cry. You're too beautiful to cry." His soothing voice flooded my thoughts and I realized that everything I had tried to fight against, everything I told myself I wasn't starting to feel...it was all real. The feelings I thought were just surface feelings, just feelings emanating because of where we were...they weren't. The feelings I was fighting for John were real, the first real deep down feelings I'd had for any man in almost eight years, and I didn't know what the hell to do. Without thinking, I nuzzled my cheek into his hand, relishing in the feeling of his skin on mine as his eyes burned into mine, never looking away.

"I'm not asking for anything in return Reilly. I just want to make you happy. I want to be the one that makes you smile. Please let me show you how to smile again." His voice washed over me, making me believe every word that spilled from his lips.

Bringing my hand up, I placed it on top of his on my cheek, not wanting the feeling to end. "I don't know how John...I don't know how to let anybody in anymore. You scare the crap out of me and I don't know how to handle that."I relented. I had to be honest with him, had to let him know that I was scared out of my mind.

"Just trust me, that's all I need you to do. I swear, we can take it as slow as you want. I just, I guess all I'm asking for is a chance. Just one chance to prove to you that I can make you happy Reilly, and if I can't, then I'll let you go. I'll let you walk away and I won't try to stop you. But I swear, one chance, that's all I'm asking for. I know you've had your opinions about me but I promise you, I'm not the guy I used to be and I'd like the chance to prove that to you. " John begged, his free arm wrapping slowly around my waist, pulling me right up against him.

I wanted nothing more than to tell him yes; wanted, almost needed to be able to smile again but my fears were still holding me back and I knew if I made a hasty decision I could easily regret it later and I didn't want to resent it or John for any reason. Holding onto his hand, I allowed my free hand to come up and rest softly against his chest, marveling at how built he actually was. He shivered slightly under my touch and a small smirk slipped across my lips at his reaction.

"See, that's all I want. All I need is to see you smile and my world makes sense Reilly. You make everything make sense for me. I see things clearly when I'm with you and I want a chance to show you how you make me feel." John's words were pleading, he was doing everything he could to get me to believe him. I wanted nothing more than to believe him, I just didn't know how to start.

"I need time John." I whispered, falling deeper into his gaze. "I'm not saying no but I need time to think this over. I just, I don't want to promise you something, only to realize later that I can't give you everything I thought I could. If you don't want to wait, I completely understand and I wouldn't blame you in the slightest but..." I was cut off as Johns hand left my cheek and he laid a finger softly across my lips, silencing my ramble. I could feel his hands shaking against me as he lifted his arm from my waist and slowly took the sides of my face in his hands. Holding me gently, I felt his eyes search mine, and I knew what was coming next but felt my body turn to jelly, powerless to stop it.

"John..." I started, unsure of what I was going to say as his face came dangerously close to mine. His eyes explored mine as if looking for some sort of silent permission and I could do nothing more than stare back at him, the tears still slipping down my cheeks as slowly he lowered his lips to mine. His kiss was soft, careful but it was impossible for me to miss the need it held. Our eyes never closed, each boring into the others as our lips met carefully again and again. I allowed my hands to travel up and rest on his forearms as the kiss deepened, part of me telling myself I should stop now, the other, larger part, melting in John's strong hands. It had been forever since I had kissed a man but even that wasn't long enough to keep me from realizing I had never been kissed quite like this before.

A long minute later, our lips parted and I took a deep, shaky breath in, attempting to steady myself. John rested his forehead softly against mine, his thumbs caressing my cheeks gently as he held me before speaking. "I'll wait as long as it takes Reilly. I just want a chance, that's it. If it doesn't work, like I said, then I'll let you go. Can you give me that?"

"I can't promise anything right now John, I'm sorry. I just, I need time to think this through. Please just give me the time." I begged, squeezing his arms softly.

"I'll give you anything you need, I promise you that. Take all the time you need. I'll still be right here waiting for you." John reassured me, his hand running gently through my hair.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I can't give you more right now." I apologized.

"You've already given me more than I ever could have expected. Please don't apologize for that. You never have to apologize to me." His words were sincere as he continued to caress my face softly. "Just the fact that you gave me enough trust to come out here with me, to let me spend Christmas with you...it's more than I could have ever wished for."

I leaned into the caress, wanting to lose myself in him but knowing I was nowhere near ready. All I could do now was hope that I could try like I had promised him. I silently hoped I could really pull my thoughts together, making a decision that would be the best for the both of us. What scared me was,I was unsure how long it would take for me to get there and at the moment I was scared to lose what we had...scared I'd never experience it again. Looking back at John, I realized that if this was the only time I'd feel his skin on mine, I wanted to make him understand everything he was making me feel. Slowly, cautiously, my hands left his arms and I took hold of his face,my eyes searching his for any sign of resistance, any sign of him holding back but I found none. In his eyes, I found nothing but patience, nothing but care and concern, and even a small hint of need and I knew somewhere deep down he needed this as much as I did. Because he was so much taller than I was I had to stand on my tip toes to reach him and as I did it was as if he knew what I 's arms softly slipped around me and lifted me effortlessly up off the ground so that I was at eye level with him. I gazed at him for a split second before pressing my lips to his. His arms instantly tightened around me as we kissed, the emotions transferring between the two of us with such force that I didn't even notice the tears slipping down my face again.

Pulling away, John set me on my feet and softly wiped away the tears with his thumb. "Don't cry Reilly. Please don't cry."

Sniffling softly, I took his hand in mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm ok. This is the first time in quite awhile they're not bad tears." John smiled softly down at me and something told me I needed to get away, needed to let this go before I couldn't walk away. I let go of his hand, pretending to straighten my sweater and made up the best excuse I could. "I should get to bed...we've got early flights in the morning."

John nodded quickly, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. "I'll walk you," he offered and as I turned to exit the room, I couldn't keep a small shiver from running down my spine when I felt John's hand rest softly on the small of my back.

He walked me down the hallway, stopping in front of my door. Turning to look at him once more, I leaned my back against the door, studying his expression, wanting desperately to know the thoughts that were running through his head. When his eyes finally met mine, I was shocked by the look of worry I found buried in the pools.

"I'm scared Reilly." He whispered, taking my hand in his as he spoke.

"Scared of what John?" I questioned, unsure where this was headed.

"Of leaving here tomorrow...I'm terrified that we're going to leave here, you're going to get on that plane...and I'm never going to see you again."John's words tore a whole in my heart and I wanted nothing more than to tell him not to worry but I knew deep down, I wasn't ready or able to promise him that.

"I can't promise you anything John, you know that. And I feel horrible for that. All I can do in this moment is ask you to trust me in the same way you've asked me to trust you. That's all I can give you right now and I understand it's not enough but, it's all I've got." My words were hushed, the realization of what I was admitting was like a dagger through the heart. I couldn't promise him anything, even though I wanted to, because I couldn't even trust myself to make the right decision.

John shoulders heaved in a sigh before he shook his head and crossed the space between us, placing his hands on either side of me on the door. "Ok." He started, his words barely audible in the silent hallway. "You're right. I do trust you Reilly. I'm just scared of losing you. And I hope you won't take this the wrong way but if this is the last time you and I are alone like this...if this is the last time I'll get to see you, to touch you...I don't want to think back on this wishing I had done something...so..." In an instant John's face was a breath's width from mine and I knew what was coming but this time, I wasn't scared.

Our eyes never broke their lock on the others as John's hand slipped gently behind my neck, lifting my face toward him while simultaneously wrapping his other arm around my waist and pulling me to him. And there, in the silent house, with the snow falling outside on the moonlit ground, John's lips captured mine in a kiss I could have never imagined. His lips explored mine, the want, the need we both seemed to feel spilling out in what could very likely be the last kiss we'd ever share. I couldn't stop myself from slipping my arms around his neck, wanting to be as close to him as possible, knowing full well that deep down, this was one of the things I had missed in the last eight years. I missed being wanted, I missed being needed...but more than anything I missed the feeling of someone sharing the same feelings, someone sharing the same want and need for me that I had for them. And in this one kiss, the desperation I felt from John's lips was only equaled by the desperation coming from my own and it was obvious to me in the way his arms tightened around me that he was fully aware of the same thing.

In the silent hallway, what was probably only minutes felt like an hour when I finally tore my lips from John's. As we stood there, our breathing ragged, he kept his arms around me and for the first time, I felt the shaking in John's huge arms as they held me to him. He truly was scared of losing me and I felt horrible not being able to give him what he wanted but I knew he understood why I needed the time to straighten my thoughts out. Slowly, I felt John's arms slip from around me and he ran his hand softly down my cheek as he pulled away.

"Merry Christmas Reilly." He whispered, his eyes shining in the darkness. I didn't catch on to the fact that it was his tears causing them to shine.

"Merry Christmas John." I whispered back, biting my lip to keep my own tears at bay. One last wistful look and John turned back down the hallway. I stood there and watched until he disappeared into his room and then quietly slipped into my own, the resounding click of the door closing behind me making me feel very alone all over again...

'_What am I going to do?'_

_-John-_

The next morning, there was very little conversation between the two of us as we packed our things to head to the airport. The same went for the car ride there, although as I drove I held Reilly's hand in mine and she didn't pull away. I don't think either of us really knew what else to say. I knew she had a lot to think about and as much as I wanted to beg her to stay with me, to not go back to Florida but instead come right back on the road for the company, come right back on the road with me, I knew I would do no more than scare her. So I bit my tongue, forcing myself to give her all the space she needed.

After checking in and getting through security, I sat at the gate for Reilly's flight with her, my arm around her shoulders and her head resting on my arm. All too soon, the boarding call came across the speakers and the inevitable moment I couldn't escape had arrived. I picked her carry-on up off the floor and followed her to the gate, wanting to stay with her as long as possible. She handed the attendant her ticket and then turned toward me, her eyes full of worry.

"Please don't give up on me John." She whispered and if I hadn't been standing so close to her, I never would have heard the words.

"Never." I replied, pulling her into my arms. I buried my face in her hair as she wrapped her tiny little arms around me, my heart tearing apart at the seams knowing I had to let her go. "Just promise you'll think about what I said." I whispered in her ear.

"I promise." Reilly replied, releasing me and taking the bag I held out to her. I let myself caress her face one last time, reveling in the feeling of her soft skin under my hand.

She nuzzled her face into my hand momentarily before straightening up and pulling away. Sighing, I told her the truth. "I want to kiss you more than anything right now...but if I'm not going to see you again, our kiss last night is the way I want to remember this, not a goodbye kiss in an airport." I conceded, my heart tearing a little more with every word.

She nodded wordlessly and I knew she felt the same way. "Thank you John, for everything." She squeezed my hand softly before turning and walking down the tunnel toward her plane.

I stood there watching her until she disappeared around the corner, hoping every second that she would turn and come running back to me.

_'Please don't go...' _


	14. Phone Calls

**Two Months Later...**

_-Reilly-_

Two months had passed since I'd left John in that airport and part of me had stayed behind along with him. For two months, I watched him getting back to his normal self on RAW, the fans eating it up the moment he returned to action. As the weeks went by, as I watched John soak up every moment of the fans reactions again, both positive and negative...as I saw the uninhibited joy come from his face, I realized I'd seen that same joy only one other time. That same joy had been all over his face the day we pulled up to the cabin in Connecticut and he had turned to look at me, gauging my reaction. And it was then that I realized there were two things that seemed to really make him happy...the WWE...and me? As hard as that was for me to swallow, as the days went by, I realized that maybe, just maybe, everything he'd said about wanting me to be happy, about wanting to make me happy, had been the truth.

I spent those next two months by myself really dissecting my past and what it had done to me, and I realized, if I was ever going to be truly happy again, I needed to finally put my past, and my fears behind me. My ex-boyfriend hadn't come looking for me in eight years, I had an entire life in front of me that I wasn't going to be able to live if I kept living in fear because of what he'd done to me. I had been strong enough eight years ago to get through the pain of what he'd done, I was more than strong enough now to get past my fear, to let it go and move on with my life. And sitting there on my couch that night, I realized I wanted, and was ready, to move on.

As I watched John that Monday night, the smile on his face no matter what when he walked down that ramp...I realized I missed that feeling. I missed the thrill of hearing my entrance theme start up, the noise from the crowd was like a pure shot of energy...a shot that I now know I missed more than anything. Well, more than ALMOST anything. There was one thing, one person, I missed more than that feeling...and fortunately for me, I could take care of missing both of those things, with one simple phone call.

I tore my eyes from the screen and stared down at the phone in my hand, the phone I had held for the past hour, willing myself to take the final leap I needed...to make the one phone call that could and most likely would, change my life, again. I took one last deep breath, and with shaking hands, dialed the number and held the phone to my ear, holding my breath as I listened to the echoing ring on the other side.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end caused the shaking to stop, and I knew I was making the right decision. This time I was ready, I just hoped I wasn't too late.

"Vince, it's Reilly..." I started and then paused, waiting to hear his reaction.

"Reilly! I'm happy you called. Tell me you're coming back, that's all I'm willing to contracts still in my drawer, I couldn't bring myself to pull it. I kept hoping John would be able to convince you to come back." Vince's enthusiasm was slightly overwhelming and yet, the fact that he still wanted me back was a comforting alternative.

With one final deep breath, I clutched the phone tightly to my ear and spoke again, "I just have one condition..."


	15. Championships

**One Week Later...**

_-John-_

'Crap!' I thought as I found myself crashing toward the floor outside the ring. The move hadn't gone the way I'd planned and Punk had made sure to take full advantage, flipping me up and over the top rope. At this point, I just wanted this match over. As I laid there on the floor, trying to collect myself, I knew my head was already cut open and bleeding and I wanted nothing more than for the bell to ring so I could head back to the locker room and back to my hotel room. My heart wasn't in it tonight and the fact that Vince had decided to let Punk waltz away with my title at the end of the match was just eating at me.

But, I have never been one to quit on the fans so I managed to push myself up and slip back into the ring before the ref could finish the ten count. As I tried to recollect my bearings, I looked around and noticed Punk was no longer in the ring. The resulting shouts from the crowd caused my head to snap up to the ramp where he was making his way toward the back, my championship belt clutched tightly in his little weasel hands. Even though I knew it was coming, it was harder than I thought it would be to stand there and watch him walk away with what I had earned, knowing I couldn't even make a move to go after him without Vince getting ticked off. So I hung my head as I leaned against the ropes, silently begging him to get to the back as soon as possible so I could get out of here. My head was throbbing as I waited for Punk's music to play, signaling the transition to commercial. But it wasn't Punk's music that filled my ears seconds later. When I heard the notes fill the arena, my head snapped up so hard I swore I'd given myself whiplash.

The crowd had blown up so loud the music was barely audible, but I knew what I had heard. Reilly's music, the same Reilly I hadn't heard from in the past two months...was spilling through the arena and the crowd was eating it up. I stared up the ramp and watched as seconds later, she came strolling out from backstage, that million-watt smile plastered across her gorgeous face. She glanced down the ramp toward the ring, a momentary flash of recognition crossing those sapphire eyes of hers as she saw me before turning her attention back toward Punk. Dumbfounded, I could do no more than watch as she got right in Punk's face, admonishing him and repeatedly telling him the belt didn't belong to him as he screamed right back at her and apparently he said something she didn't appreciate too much as in the next second I watched her haul off and smack him with everything she had. The slap was enough to catch him off guard and she took the opportunity to grab the belt from his loosened grip and just as quickly as she had shown up, ducked back through the tunnel and disappeared.

'_Move you idiot...go find her before she's gone again...' _My thoughts broke through my clouded mind and shaking my head, slipped myself out of the ring and made my way up the ramp as quickly as I could without running. Rounding the corner I just about ran into Randy as I made my way backstage and he put his hands on my shoulders to slow me down.

"Dude, I've got to find her." I stated, attempting to shrug off his hold.

"Cena, slow down a minute. I'm supposed to tell you, your championship is waiting for you in your locker room." Randy responded, a smirk slipping across his face.

I clapped him on the shoulder before thanking him and making my way down the hall. Reaching my locker room door, I put my hand on the handle and then froze. What if she really wasn't here for me? What if she'd just come back to work? What if she'd moved on from everything that had happened back in that cabin two months ago? I shook the thoughts from my head, knowing none of them mattered. The only thing that was important at this moment was that she was here, and hopefully, waiting for me on the other side of this door.

Swinging the door open, my gaze fell on Reilly, curled up on the couch with my championship belt in her lap, her hair covering half her face as her fingers lightly traced the lettering of my name plate on the belt. I froze again, the sight of her taking my breath away. Had it really only been two months since I had seen her? At this moment, it felt like it had been forever.

"Ya know, 3 years with this company and I think this is the first time I've ever actually held this thing." Reilly's voice was soft, barely more than a whisper as I moved across the room toward her. I stopped in front of her and she slowly raised her head to meet my gaze, her sapphire eyes so intensely dark it took me back a little and the smile that followed just about bowled me over. "Hi John." She whispered, her eyes searching mine.

"Reilly..." was all I could get out as I dropped to my knees so that I was at eye-level with her. I didn't know what else to say, not able to believe that she was really sitting here in front of me after I had all but given up on hoping that one day she'd come back.

" I think this belongs to you." She spoke, holding the belt out to me. Without taking my eyes from hers, I reached out and took the belt from her and tossed it down onto the other end of the couch. I couldn't have cared less about the belt at that moment. All I cared about was the woman in front of me, the woman I'd missed like crazy since she'd left me at the airport. Reilly stared back at me, her eyes never looking away as if trying to decipher what I was thinking. "John, look, I'm sorry..."

Those two words snapped me out of my daze and I shook my head, not wanting to hear a word of her apology. Without thinking, the only way I knew to silence her words took over and without a word, I gently pulled her toward me and claimed her lips with mine. I didn't know if she still felt the way she had two months ago but in that moment, I didn't care. The way I had missed her, the way I had thought about her constantly had taken over and all I wanted was to see if this kiss would feel the same as the previous ones. Reilly was hesitant at first but after a few seconds, I felt her arms slip softly around my neck and that was all I needed. I scooped her quickly into my arms and pushed myself to a standing position at the same time, holding her there next to me in the middle of the room, my lips never breaking their hold on hers.

A minute or two later, Reilly pulled away, her eyes closed and a small smile on her lips as I held her with one arm and let my free hand cradle her face gently. "I missed you so much." I revealed, not wanting to hide a thing from her.

She leaned her head into my hand and placed her hand on top of mine as she slowly opened her eyes and stared back at me. "We've got a lot to talk about," she admitted. I nodded, knowing she was right but all I could think about was kissing her again. Just as I lowered my lips to hers though, there was a knock on the locker room door and the echoing "John Cena, I know she's in there!" caused Reilly to giggle softly.

I sighed, knowing Kelly wasn't going to leave without seeing her best friend and I also knew it was pointless to try to ignore her, she was a woman after all. My eyes locked with Reilly's again until she tore them away and her focus shifted to the still bleeding cut on my head.

"You need to go get that checked out John." The concern was heavy in her voice as she tenderly reached up and touched the area around the cut.

"But..." I started to say something but was cut off by another loud knock on the door.

Reilly giggled again and squeezed my hand. "I'm not going anywhere John. But you know if you don't let her in pretty soon, she'll just force her way in. I promise you, we will talk later."

"Promise?" I questioned, squeezing her closer to me.

"I swear. We can talk as long as you want. I have some things I need to say anyway." She responded and looking into her eyes, I believed every word she said. I kissed her softly once more before setting her on her feet and plopped myself down on the couch as I watched her walk over and swing the door open. The resulting shriek that came from the other side didn't help my already throbbing head but I couldn't keep the smile from my face as I saw how happy Reilly was to see her best friend again.

With her arm still wrapped around Reilly, Kelly turned to me and smirked. "Glad you decided to see things my way John."

"I didn't have much of a choice now did I?" I teased, pushing myself from the couch and walking toward them. "You've got an hour...if she's not back by then, believe me, I will come looking for her." I pressed my lips to Reilly's forehead and whispered, "have fun...just come back."

She looked up at me, her million-watt smile blinding me as she patted my arm. "Go get your head taken care of. I'll be back in an hour." I watched as the two walked out the door arm in arm and realized, there was something different about Reilly this time, something inside had changed and I wanted nothing more than to find out what that was. But at the moment, with my attention no longer diverted, the throbbing pain in my head came back and suddenly, going to see the doc didn't sound like such a bad idea.


	16. Chances

_-Reilly-_

An hour later, and after promising Kelly multiple times that we would hang out the next day, I found myself back in John's locker room, waiting for him to come back from the doctor. I curled myself up on the couch and gazed around the room, realizing nothing had changed in the time I was gone. This locker room looked like every other one I'd ever been in, with John's stuff strewn across the benches. It had felt as if I had been gone forever when in reality, it had only been a matter of a few months. And in being back for a few hours, I realized just how much I had missed it all. I felt whole when I was here, felt like I finally had everything I was missing...well, all but one thing...

I was brought out of my daydreams as the door swung open and the one thing I was still missing walked into the room, a smile spreading across his face when his eyes met mine.

"Your here..." John started, crossing the room cautiously toward me.

"You said an hour, didn't you?" I teased, scooting over so he could sit next to me.

"I did I just...I don't know. I guess I was waiting to wake up and have the fact that you were here be no more than a dream." John relented, choosing to plop himself down on the floor in front of me. I couldn't keep the smile from my face as he reached up and took my hand in his, squeezing it softly as he gazed up at me.

"John, you're not dreaming. Look, like I said before, I'm sorry that I didn't..." I started but was cut off as John reached up, pulled me to him, and quieted my apologies for the second time.

"I don't want to hear it. I don't care why, all I care about is that you're here now." John whispered a minute later.

"Ok, but we do have things to talk about and there ARE things I need to be able to say." I responded gently.

"You're right. I guess we do have a lot to talk about but not here." He started as he pushed himself to his feet, his grip on my hand never loosening.

"Where are you staying?"

"Same place all of you are...I just snuck in after I knew most of you would already be here at the arena." I giggled a little at the shocked look on his face.

"You're amazing." John's words caught me off guard and I could instantly feel the intense blush spread across my face. "And your gorgeous when you blush like that. Come on, let's go back to the hotel. If we're going to talk as much as we both need to, we should at least be comfortable. " He pulled me up from the couch so quickly that it surprised me and I fell forward, John's arms catching me before I could hit the floor.

Standing there with John's huge arms wrapped around me, I stared up at him, his pool blue eyes apologetic for catching me off guard yet again. He gazed down at me and I could do nothing more than stare right back at him, mesmerized by how much I had missed him the past two months.

"You're different." John's voice was soft as he casually brushed a stray piece of hair away from my eyes.

Without thinking, I pushed myself up on tip-toe and kissed him softly. When I pulled away, I saw his eyes raise in surprise and felt the smile spread across my face as I answered simply, "I hope so."

_-John-_

Twenty minutes later, I unlocked the door to my hotel room and held it open for Reilly. After shutting the door, I quickly went about emptying out my gym bag, feeling Reilly's eyes on me the entire time. Once I finished, I turned back to her and realized I hadn't really "seen" her since she came back. Sure I had talked to her, held her, even kissed her, but this was the first time I really took her in, looked at everything she was, everything that was different, and it left me speechless.

Reilly stood near the window, her head resting against the wall, arms crossed in front of her chest. I could do nothing more than stare at her for the longest time, afraid that if I made a move she would disappear. I drank her in with my eyes, every detail just as I remembered her and yet, something was different. Her beautiful blonde hair curled in waves around her shoulders and spilled down her back. She was dressed in black jeans and a pair of knee high boots with a cream colored sweater hugging her curves ( /cgi/set?id=77933414)...she was completely irresistible. All I wanted to do was run over to her, scoop her into my arms and kiss the breath right out of her...but my feet were glued to the floor.

She tilted her head slightly as she looked back at me, a smile teasing the corners of her mouth. "What's going on in that head of yours Mr. Cena?"

I shook my head, snapping myself out of my musings and crossing the room towards her. "Just trying to figure out why you came back," I admitted. As I reached her, my arms immediately slipped around her waist and she answered by slipping hers around my neck, pulling herself right up against me. "I realized how much I missed it. I sat at home watching RAW every Monday and almost feeling homesick, I missed it that much. And as the week's went on, I realized it didn't matter how much time passed, I wasn't missing it any less. I guess I was trying to fool myself into thinking that if I could stay away long enough, I wouldn't miss it anymore. But a week ago, I sat with my phone in my hand through most of RAW, trying to make that final leap...and yet, it wasn't until I watched you come out, watched how completely happy you were every time you walked out onto that ramp, that I truly realized it was what I wanted. I wanted that same rush that you got every week. So I called Vince. Luckily, he was still more than willing to let me come back but I had one condition...I didn't want you knowing I was coming back and he promised me he would do everything he could to keep you from finding out." Reilly's admission caught me off guard and I immediately started worrying that maybe my fears were right...maybe she had just come back for work.

Like a dummy though, I couldn't keep my mouth shut and the question spilled out before I could stop myself. "Why didn't you want me to know?"

Standing there gazing up at me, I watched her eyes go dark before she glanced down at the floor, trying to hide the emotions she couldn't seem to keep in. I put my hand under her chin and brought her face back to mine, her eyes full of worry this time and it took me back a little. I didn't want her to feel as if she had to tell me anything and definitely didn't want her to tell me there was another reason for her coming back if there wasn't so I started to tell her, " Reilly, look. If you just came back for work that's..."

"I didn't want you finding out because there was one thing I missed more than work John. One thing I hadn't stopped thinking about since I left him standing there in the airport two months ago..." Her words cut me off, her eyes sparkling as she let me in again. Her final words were so hushed if I hadn't had her pressed so close to me I don't think I would have ever heard them. "John...I missed you..."

I could feel my mouth drop open slightly at her words but I tucked it back up, squeezing her even tighter as I tried to read her eyes, tried to figure out if what she was saying was pure emotion or just to keep from hurting my feelings. "Reilly, I mean it, I won't be upset..." I was cut off again, but this time it wasn't by her words. Reilly reached up and pressed her lips to mine, quieting any worries I had left. I felt her hands play in my hair and couldn't keep the soft growl from escaping my lips as I removed any amount of space that may have been left between us, backing her up against the wall. She really was different, I could feel it in her kiss. There was no hesitation this time...she wasn't afraid anymore and I didn't want to believe that maybe, just maybe she was willing to give me the chance I'd wanted two months ago.

"I left because I needed to find out what I really wanted, and it was the worst mistake I've ever made. I didn't have to go anywhere to find what I wanted...it had been right in front of me the whole time..." Reilly's eyes were closed as she pulled away, her forehead resting gently against mine as her words set my heart on fire.

"What are you saying Reilly?" I was afraid to ask but my curiosity got the best of me.

"You, John. You're what I've wanted this whole time. I'm just sorry it took me leaving to figure that out." Her eyes opened and lit up as she spoke and I knew the moment the words left her lips that she spoke nothing but the truth.

"But what about..." I started. I didn't want her making any hasty decisions if there was still even the smallest trace of doubt or fear in her mind.

Shaking her head, she put one finger to my lips, silencing my question. "I'm not scared anymore John. I've let him control my life for far too long and I've finally realized that it's up to me to take it back. I'm tired of living in fear; tired of not living the way I want to just because of what he'd done to me. I'm ready to move on...and I want to move on with you...if you'll have me." Her eyes bore into mine instead of turning away like she normally would have.

She was right, my Reilly was no longer afraid of her past; she was no longer letting it hold her back and because of that, she was giving me the chance I had wanted from the beginning.

There were no words left for me. My brain could barely function enough to put together any sort of semi-coherent thought. Instead, I pulled her flush against me again, and buried my face in her hair, holding her as tight as possible. I was shaking and I knew she could probably tell but I didn't care. I ran my hands up her back, pulling her even closer to me as I trailed my lips up her neck and around her cheek to her lips. She met my lips with her own, both of us searching, exploring the others. The need we had, the want we both felt was still there but they were no longer weighed down by the fear holding us back. I could finally show her just how much I wanted to make her happy.

"I swear to you Reilly, one chance that's all I'm asking for. Just one chance to prove to you how happy you make me..." I finally managed to get out the words.

"You already have." She replied, and my words were gone again.

Reilly left a few hours later, insisting that she could make it to her room without me escorting her and only after I made her promise that once she and Kelly were done hanging out the next day that she would come find me. We had no shows, no interviews, nothing the next day so I wanted nothing more than to spend it with Reilly wrapped in my arms. I fell asleep that night with a smile on my face...

'_If this is a dream, please don't ever let me wake up...'_


	17. Gone

**The Next Day...**

-Reilly-

After an early morning text from Kelly letting me know something had come up at home and she had to fly out asap to take care of it, and a quick trip down to the hotel gym, I sat in front of the mirror in my hotel room, studying the woman staring back at me. She looked the same as she did 6 months ago and yet, there was something in her eyes, something that hadn't been there for so many years. The sparkle was back, the smile that seemed to light up her face was back and she knew why. The reason was right down the hall, hopefully still in his room so she could surprise him by showing up a lot earlier than he had originally expected. He was the reason she was happy again, and she couldn't wait to see him.

I snapped myself out of my third-person daydream, finished running the flat-iron through my hair and quickly flipped through my closet, trying to decide on an appropriate, yet comfortable outfit, before settling on this... /cgi/set?id=82774858 . Five minutes later, I shoved my phone and room key in my back pocket, slipped out the door and made my way down the hallway. Stopping at John's door, I didn't think anything of the fact that it was cracked open as I was too focused on spending the day with him, so when I pushed the door open and my eyes fell on the scene in front of me, I felt my heart drop to my feet and couldn't keep the small gasp from escaping my lips.

I found John standing in the middle of the room, his hands resting on the forearms of none other than Nikki Bella, who had her hands linked tightly behind his neck. John's face was a little tense as she stared up at him and from where I stood, I couldn't make out what she was saying but it didn't matter, I'd seen more than enough. Guess I really wasn't that different, I had actually let myself believe that John cared about me, that he wanted to make me happy...still as gullible as ever.

Shaking my head, a small sniffle slipped out as I forced down the tears that were ready to burst forth and focused on making my frozen feet move back out the door. The noise caused John's head to snap in my direction and in that moment, the look on his face should have been enough to make me realize I didn't know the whole story but my brain wasn't thinking normally. All I could think about was that I had once again put myself out there, only to be hurt again, and this was all I could take. Our eyes locked for a split second before I forced myself to spin around and basically ran out the door, John's voice calling my name as I ran down the hall toward the stairs. I didn't know where I was going but I wanted nothing more than to get away.

-John-

Four hours later, I returned to my room and collapsed onto the bed, defeated. I couldn't believe what I had done to Reilly. Although nothing had happened, and nothing was going to happen, the fact that she had seen Nikki and I standing there was apparently more than she could handle and I knew, considering all she had been through in her past, I would be hard-pressed to convince her that it wasn't what it had appeared to be. Nikki had come to my room that morning, apparently fueled by Reilly's recent return, and was doing everything she could to convince me that she and I were still good for each other. We had dated on and off before Reilly and I had been together but ever since I'd started showing an interest in and focusing my attention on Reilly, it apparently had been eating at Nikki to the point where she was ready to do anything she could to get back with me. I didn't then, and still now don't have any interest in getting back together with her but after four hours of searching, I couldn't find Reilly to begin to explain it to her.

As soon as she'd bolted back out the door, I'd pushed Nikki away and taken off in the direction I'd seen Reilly go but now as I sat on the bed in my room, I had no idea where she could have gone. I'd called her constantly, left dozens of voicemails and sent countless text messages trying to get her to let me explain, only to hear nothing back. I knew I should probably give her space but the last thing I wanted to do was give her any more time to think about what she had seen without knowing the truth. Scrubbing my hand across my head, I laid back on the bed with my arm over my eyes, trying to decide where to go from here.

A few minutes later, a urgent knock on my door snapped me out of my thoughts and I all but flew to the door, hoping and praying Reilly would be standing on the other side. Flinging the door open, it wasn't Reilly but Kelly that my eyes fell on, her own eyes wide and slightly frightened.

"John..." She started, before I watched the tears well up in her eyes and I knew something was horribly wrong.

"What is it? What's going on?" I questioned, probably a little too forcefully.

"It's Reilly, John. The front desk called me. Reilly checked out earlier today but the desk said when they went to clean her room, all her things were still there and they found this..." Kelly's voice was cracking as she held out the white envelope clutched tightly in her hand. Printed on the front was one word, and when I saw it my heart fell. The envelope was addressed to me.

With shaking hands, I took the envelope from Kelly and tore it open as Kelly wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to control her own shaking. Staring down at the letter in my hands I felt the anger, the fear boiling up inside me as I read and it was all I could do to keep my hands still enough to read without tearing the letter into pieces.

_ Johnny-  
Obviously you never deserved her. I see you couldn't keep yourself  
from hurting her and now, well, I just happened to find her teary-eyed  
and heartbroken. But don't worry, I'll take GOOD care of her, just like I  
used to, because obviously that's something you're incapable of. You won't  
find her (not that you'll come looking) so don't waste your time. She's in good  
hands and away from you and anyone else who could ever hurt her. Have a  
nice life Johnny boy. _

The letter wasn't signed but I felt my jaw drop as it slipped from my hand and floated to the floor. I brought my head up to face Kelly, whose own eyes were as wide as mine felt. Something was horribly wrong, Reilly was in trouble and I didn't know what the hell to do. I'd promised her that I'd never let her hurt again and now I'd failed that promise twice in one day. The woman I was falling in love with was now out there somewhere, possibly in danger and I didn't know where to start.

_'Reilly where are you?'_


End file.
